The Whispers

16: Cocaine

"I think it's amusing to watch a naïve, well-meaning character kind of undo more cynical characters - kind of like watching Laurel and Hardy or Charlie Chaplin." - Stephen Hillenburg, marine biologist and creator of SpongeBob SquarePants.

Cocaine, also known as benzoylmethylecgonine, coke, blow, and crack, is used as a recreational drug that is commonly snorted, dissolved and injected into veins, or inhaled as smoke. I took a chemistry class last year and my teacher, Mrs. Young, taught us about the substance to try and ward us off from ever doing it.

She started by telling us about the elements, got us to make 3-D models of the Lewis structure. She told us that if we have the right materials that we can easily make it ourselves, but she didn't suggest it because it's dangerous and illegal to use, sell, or own.

Mrs. Young told us that if we ever did something stupid like put cocaine in our body that the first time it happened we could very well die, but if you don't then the effects will begin within seconds or minutes after you take it. The effects will last anywhere between five minutes to an hour and a half.  She first informed us of some of the positive things that people enjoy about it; you can feel intense happiness, have more energy, and you might feel like you're on top of the world.

We knew what she was doing, most of the students in that class weren't dumb. She was trying to make it sound exciting and then crush our views with the harsh reality of what can happen.

She proceeded to tell us some of the negative effects of cocaine. It can result in very high blood pressure or body temperature, which can cause hallucinations, paranoia, abnormal heart rhythms, and death.

I kept this in mind as I watched Harper on his knees, hunched over the table.

A part of me doesn't care about what can happen when you put cocaine in your body. Maybe I should wait in case my kidney can be given to Maggie, or maybe I should just take it anyway because nothing matters and life hates me.

I'll go with the latter.

There's cocaine on the table and Harper has been taking a razor to it for the past ten minutes. He said something about how if it's fine powder then I'm less likely to die on my first blow.  It's almost comforting to hear that he doesn't want me to die.  Almost.

He takes a five-dollar bill out of his pocket, rolls it to make a tube, and tapes it so that it doesn't lose its shape. I don't know where he got the tape but that doesn't matter - I'm always being told to try new things and this is exactly what I'm doing.

He inhales the first line and I watch has the power disappears into the bill.  Harper shakes his head and slaps his cheek as if he's trying to snap himself out of some kind of state. He hands the bill over to me looks at it expectantly.

"Don't do it," a voice warns me. I turn my head to see a mosquito on the wall, it's body arched towards me as it speaks. "It's bad! It's bad! You don't know what will happen, Rose, you need to stop!"

Fuck the voices, I can do anything I want. They can't control me or any aspect of my life.

I take the bill, cover my left nostril, and inhale the powder. My nose feels like it's on fire, completely clear and clogged all at the same time, and for a second I think I'm about to die.

I didn't die, though. I didn't feel like my heart rate became faster, not did I feel as if my body temperature changed, and I don't even feel paranoid.

I haven't felt more alive in a long time.

***

I always thought that if I ever did drugs I would somehow immediately become addicted, have to go to rehab the next day, and that my life would be ruined; that somehow I would become completely consumed by the mere thought of them. I'd end up looking seventy when I would really be thirty, I'd chase people down the street while accusing them of some crime they didn't commit just to get people to notice me, or I would be kept in a hospital forever because the doctors would find out about how I can hear bugs and figure it's undiagnosed schizophrenia.