𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙖 𝙣𝙪𝙢𝙗 𝙩𝙚𝙚𝙣

THE REAL LIFE OF A NUMB TEEN 1

RIVERS

7:00 am.

I've spent a majority of the night staring up at my ceiling unable to sleep due to the amount of cocaine I did the night before. I held a photo of my parents close to me as I thought about how I didn't want to go through another day in this life.

I slowly pull myself up bringing my knees to my chest and my back against the wall hugging myself tightly, the only hugs I've gotten in the past 5 years.

I knew my foster dad would be at my door yelling for me to hurry up any minute for school and I didn't even care. I don't care about much anymore. I ran my fingers across the scars on my thigh flinching slightly when I touch a sore one.

It made me feel. As horrible as it is to say I was so angry. Angry at the world, angry at my parents, angry at myself.

"RIVERS!" I hear a banging at my bedroom door. I raise my head slightly knowing if I got up and answered the door I'd get hurt, undoubtedly. My foster parents love to hurt me in all kinds of ways, emotionally and physically. "I'm up." I say back and hear him stomping off down the staircase. He leaves for work as a elementary school teacher before I go to school and my foster mom gets home in the mornings after her 12 hour nursing shifts, I wouldn't have to deal with her until later on.

I get up from my bed with my frail body lagging. I hold myself up with my hands before stepping onto my feet and making my way to my closet where a small amount of worn clothes were. I get myself dressed slowly making sure to not bump any of my bruises or cuts.

A black oversized hoodie that belonged to my father and old black jeans was my daily choice of outfit. Not that I minded, I liked having him close to me at all times, reminding myself that there was once people who wanted me for me.

I have friends. They aren't truly my friends, they don't care for me or want to know what goes on in my life, but we did drugs together and often got into trouble together so I guess that makes them my friend.

I make my way down the staircase after washing my face and brushing my teeth, not bothering with stepping into the kitchen as I know I would only get in trouble later on for eating their food. It didn't help that my depression and drug using habits took away my appetite, I didn't care about feeding myself anymore especially when I know that there would be a consequence for eating food in this house later on.

I walk down the never ending road smoking a cigarette watching the dull grey sky, when I go to school Parker Wanes will be waiting outside of the school for me. He makes my life far worse than it already is. It's no secret that I'm gay. I never tried to hide it from anyone, the way my parents raised me was to be myself and never let anyone take that away from me.

I've let far too many people take every piece of me, including them.

Drugs were the glue holding all of my scattered pieces together. I never thought I'd be a drug addict. I never thought I'd be parentless either. Things change.

I stop at a park that's close to my school and slowly scan the area making sure there was no one else hear. I take my journal out of my backpack were my small baggie of cocaine was hidden. I breath in deeply to myself feeling my hands start to shake in anticipation, wanting to feel the effects of the drug that's slowly taken over my life. The drug that's been there for me more than any person ever has.

I hurriedly pour some out and start making a line with my debit card, taking a rolled dollar bill out and setting it into place before snorting the line of cocaine.

I breath in deeply scratching my nose and staring up at the sky already feeling the effects. I jumped out of the park bench seats and pack away my stuff quickly, ready to enter the school and deal with whatever Parker was going to do to me today.

- r