Yer Blues

bleeding for love

The weekend went by in a blur. John and Paul were closer than ever, they were cuddling, laughing, just doing couply things. Everything seemed alright. They hadn't spoken about the whole bar-thing, Paul didn't dare. He didn't want to interrupt their little bubble of happiness and decided to deal with it later.

So now that he was saying goodbye to John the nagging ache in his stomach was slowly getting back to him. He could still see the hatred in George's eyes when he found out, and how he stormed away with Ringo on his heels. Both were confused but mostly disgusted. They were supposed to be his friends, his best pals. God, he had known them for years! But now they seemed nothing more than two strangers who happen to know he was queer.

It was dangerous, that they knew. Paul was sure they wouldn't tell anyone, but still, being queer was illegal. He and John could get thrown in jail if they said anything.

On his way home Paul almost bumped into a bench because he was so far gone in his thoughts. It made him laugh but suddenly the urge to cry was so high that he tried hard not to let it turn into a sob. It was unfair, all of it.

Finally home, he acted as if everything was alright. He laughed and chatted with his dad and brother during dinner. Did the dishes while whistling to some Elvis. He even made some pie as dessert.

Everything seemed fine, but inside he was struggling. The constant worry was tearing him apart. So when he finally went to bed and lied down he couldn't help but cry himself to sleep.

The last thing that went through his head was the hurt in his boyfriend's eyes which made him even sadder.

When Paul awoke the next day saying he was nervous was an understatement. What was he supposed to expect from George and Ringo? Would they even talk to him? Paul decided to let it be for a second and worry about that later, now be needed breakfast and a shower.

"Good morning," Paul said as he walked into the living room his hair still wet. Mike and his dad were already eating and Paul joined them with a glass of milk and some toast.

"Hello Paul," Jim said giving him a small smile before turning to his paper again.

The three of them ate in silence for a while until Jim sighed heavily, "two queers got arrested last night," he said with a pensive look.

Paul froze, "oh?"

"I don't understand," Mike said taking a bite from his toast.

Paul's heart stopped. He wasn't ready to hear how disgusting and horrible his kind was. Not from his brother and father, he wouldn't be able to handle it.

"Tha' they get arrested an' all. It's a bit silly innit. Just let 'em be and go after the real criminals," Mike went on making Paul's eyes widen. Relieve crashed into him and he couldn't help but let out a heavy sigh.

Paul looked at his dad, he had an unreadable look on his face. After a second of doubt tough, Jim finally nodded, "I agree, no use in locking away the gays when there are murderers on the loose."

Paul smiled weakly a slight blush covering his cheeks, he felt slightly uneasy but his relief was overcoming that feeling. At least his family didn't hate him, at least they accepted homosexuality.

"Yeah," Paul agreed feeling he should say something to look casual.

When he finished his toast after a few minutes it was time to leave so he got up, grabbed his bag and books, and put on his coat, "I'm going to school, see ya!"

Paul left his house and walked towards the bus feeling uneasy, he wasn't ready to face his friends yet. As he got in Paul sat on their usual spot in the back and waited for George and Ringo. How were they going to act, were they even going to take the same bus? Paul could only worry and unconsciously started biting his nails.

When the bus stopped for the second time the two came in. Paul sat up a bit and caught Ringo's eyes who looked away immediately. When he met George's gaze, the lad only stared before sitting down in the front of the bus completely ignoring Paul's existence.

Well, that was horrible.

Paul tried hard to hold back his tears but a few managed to slip away, he angrily wiped them away feeling even worse. Why did he always care so much, why did the little things always destroy him?

For the first time in his life, he felt disgusted with himself, disgusted for he was, disgusted for liking men.

The bus stopped and Paul got out without giving his friends another glance, he couldn't bear to see the hatred in their eyes right now.

The first few lessons went by in a blur and Paul didn't even try to focus. He was feeling miserable and worried. Ringo and George completely ignored him, like they didn't even know him. Why were they acting like this? They were his friends! Paul hadn't changed, he was still the same. All he did was come out, and now they hated him? It didn't make sense, being queer didn't define who he was. He was still their good old Paul, their mate. Why were they being so horrible to him for something he couldn't control?

When school was finally over he went outside, on his own. The feeling of loneliness was foreign to him and he didn't like it at all. He was about to walk toward the bus stop when a few blokes interrupted his path.

"'Ello McCartney, long time no see huh?" one of them said. Paul recognized him immediately and his stomach dropped. It was his old bully. The lad hadn't bothered him in months, maybe years! Why did he come back now, at this precise moment? It felt as if the universe thought Paul was having it too easy and needed things to spice up a bit.

Well, fuck you universe.

"What do ye want Sutcliffe?" Paul snapped he really didn't want to deal with this right now.

The lad glanced at his friends grinning feeling way to tough for his own good, "some rumors wen' around. Sayin' ye were a queer an' all," he said.

Paul frowned, how did they know? Did George and Ringo tell everyone? How could they? Anger was boiling inside of him, he knew they were angry but spilling his secret like that could seriously endanger Paul. He couldn't believe they had taken such risk.

"And there's only one thing we do with queers," Sutcliffe went on.

"And what's that?" Paul snapped back feeling slightly worried but he tried not to show it. Paul learned that fear was an ingredient for being picked on.

"This," the blond announced. He walked up to Paul and grabbed the collar of his shirt before punching him right in his face. Paul fell back onto the pavement and felt a sting of pain run through his nose. The others laughed and left him alone on the ground like some kind of garbage.

At that moment Paul felt at rock bottom of his life. He felt disgusted with himself, his friends had left him, and he just got punched in the face by the most pathetic guy in his school.

All he could do was lie there and cry, hating every second of it. He felt weak, for being so emotional but also broken for all the pain he was feeling.

What had become of his life?