Shadows || A Severus Snape Fanfiction

Chapter 11 - Secrets on the Wall

A/N: Prepare yourselves for a looong chapter! I hope it's kinda interesting but most of it's not super relevant to anything (oops) so feel free to skim read :P But hopefully you enjoy it!

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At 1:47 am, after hours of willing herself not to break any more rules, Asha succumbed to her usual need to get out in the open in times of distress. She unlatched her bedroom window and silently jumped down onto the dewy grass below. Trailing around past the kitchen window to the back of the house, she slid down the short but steep slope of damp grass. She then climbed up the six-foot-high fieldstone wall and settled in for a long night of inescapable thinking.

Here in the Welsh countryside, the stars were almost as vivid and dense as at Hogwarts. The only sounds were the faint rustling of nocturnal animals along the branches of nearby trees, the occasional lowing of distant cows, and the chirping of a single cricket somewhere to Asha's left. But the calm, clear night did not at all reflect what Asha was feeling inside.

She was absent-mindedly scraping a stick along the rough surface of the wall upon which she sat, staring out at the star-lit landscape. Her mind was whirring. Snape had invited her into his home, fed her, even healed her leg. And how had she repaid him? By directly disobeying him, disrespecting him, breaking his trust. The guilt was gnawing at her insides like a flesh-eating slug. What the hell is wrong with you? she thought for the hundredth time. She gritted her teeth and scraped the stick against the rough stone with even more vigour. Why couldn't you just act like a normal human for five fucking minutes? She snapped the stick in half and flung both pieces into the darkness of the surrounding field as if trying to ceremoniously rid herself of the toxic feelings within. Sighing and placing her hands on her forehead in frustration, she lay back along the top of the wall. A second later she bolted upright and squinted into the gloom behind her. At what point had that cricket stopped chirping?

"You sure seem to make a habit of these late-night excursions don't you?" came that droning voice she knew all too well.

Whipping her head around in the opposite direction, Asha saw a tall, dark figure leaning against the edge of the cottage. She felt a sinking sensation in her chest, bit her lip and turned back around to face the countryside. Snape walked down the slope and pulled himself up onto the wall with surprising agility for a man who usually moves with such a stiff demeanour. He was wearing dark sweatpants and a thin, black long sleeve and his hair was more ruffled than usual. Settling a couple meters away from Asha, he sat with one leg dangling over the edge of the wall and the other propped up, his arm resting on his knee.

It was several minutes before Asha worked up the courage to break the silence. As though he somehow knew she was about to speak, Snape turned to look at her. Even in the dead of night his eyes were the deepest black to be seen. She couldn't bring herself to meet his gaze so she stared out at the landscape and began fidgeting with a new stick.

"I'm not good at apologising," she said to the air, "or showing gratitude... Or showing anything really. Well, anything real that is."

Snape said nothing. Asha took a deep breath.

"I know you deserve an explanation."

She cast the stick aside and hugged one of her knees to her chest. A couple more silent minutes passed as the Potions Master patiently waited for this clearly troubled girl to decide what she was willing to share. It took all of Asha's strength to keep her voice steady as she recounted the events that had been plaguing her all year.

"When I went back to the Foster Home last summer, one of the girls there was pregnant - Madeline. I didn't know her very well, I think she was about my age. I remembered her from summers previous as a happy kid, confident to the point of being obnoxious. But when I arrived, it was quite clear that she wasn't that same, bubbly girl. After finding out she was pregnant, the other kids at the Home had shafted her." Asha's mouth was dry. She could still hear the shouts of 'Whore!' and 'Street slut!' echoing down the hallway. But all that seemed like such a long time ago.