Undertale AUs but it's mostly shitpost

Here's some shitpost

Yeah just read I'm lazy and have nothing to say

Swear warning

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Nightmare: I wanna do something stupid
Cross: I'm stupid, do me.
Nightmare:
Cross: Did I say that out loud?

*And that's on Crossmare*

Lust: Horror! There's a dead human in our house!
Horror: Oh! Hey how did he get here?
Lust: Horror! What did you do?
Horror: Me? I-I- I didn't do this!
Lust: Explain what happened Horror!
Horror: I never seen him before in my life.
Lust: Why did you kill this person?!
Horror: I do not kill people. That is- that is my least favorite thing to do.
Lust: Tell me Horror, exactly what you were doing. Right before I got home.
Horror: Okay, well, I was upstairs.
Lust: Okay.
Horror: I was sitting in my room.
Lust: Yes.
Horror: On AuNet.
Lust: Go on.
Horror: And well this guy walked in.
Lust: Okay.
Horror: So I went up to him.
Lust: Yes.
Horror: And well, I stabbed him thirty-seven times in the chest.
Lust:
Lust: Horror! That kills people!
Horror: Oh! Oh- wow...
Lust: Horror!
Horror: Wow... I did not know that.
Lust: How did you not know that?!
Horror: Yeah, I'm in the wrong here. I suck.
Lust: What happened to his hands?
Horror: What?
Lust: His hands. Why- why are they missing?
Horror: Oh, well I kinda cooked them up. And ate them.
Lust:
Lust: Horror...
Horror: Look I was hungry, and well- when- when you crave hands that-
Lust: Why would you do that?
Horror: I was hungry for hands! Gimme a break.
Lust: Horror...
Horror: My 'stomach' was making the rumblies-
Lust: Horror.
Horror: -that only hands would satisfy.
Lust: What is wrong with you Horror?
Horror: Well, I kill people and I eat hands- that- that's two things!

*And that's on Bloodlust*

Error: I made hot chocolate.
Ink: I don't want hot chocolate.
Error: This isn't for you, this is mine.
Ink: Then why did you tell me?
Error: It's a conversation starter.
Ink: That's a lousy conversation starter.
Error: Oh is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

*And that's on Errink*

Fell: Okay, let's just agree to say I'm sorry on the count of three.
Fell: One...
Fell: Two...
Fell: Three...
Raspberry: ...
Fell: ...
Fell: See now I'm just disappointed in both of us...

*And that's on stealing DDLC incorrect quotes*

Error: Alright, shut up you little shits.
Error: Not you Blue, you're an angel and we're happy to have you here.

*That's on Blueberry is bean*

Blue: I turned out just fine.
Dream: Just this morning you thought a ghost made your toast.
Blue: I DIDN'T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN'T PUT THE BREAD IN!

*That's on the Star Sanses*

Classic: *Watching TV*
Error: *Knocks it over*
Classic: That was a 70 inch Plasma TV.
Classic: *Inhale*
Classic: Can I help you?
Error: So you're the original Sans? Master of laziness, secretly the strongest monster in the underground? Depressed?
Classic: Oh baby, work that shaft.
Error: I- what?
Classic: Sorry, I tend to get all the dirty talk when someone is sucking on my dick.
Error: Look! I'm being serious here!
Classic: I am too, and I'm failing. Sorry, I just get agitated when some other Sans comes into my house, knocks over my TV and tries to erase me like I'm his alcoholic mother! Now be a good son and get me another Ketchup.

*And that's on Error Rebooting*

Error: Nightmare, can we talk? One ten to another?
Nightmare: I'm an eleven, but continue.

*That's on ERROR AND NIGHTMARE DON'T WORK TOGETHER PEOPLE! (jk i rlly dont care)*

Dust: And now! For the message of hope!
Horror: Ah... the message of hope right on time!
Dust: Everything is garbage!
Killer: Oh no...

*And that's on Murder Time Trio*

Dream: It's a white flag. And you might as well be waving it.
Nightmare: The only thing I'll be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of our WEEPING MOTHER!
Blue: '• ^ •
Ink: Dear lord.

*That's on the twins*

Raspberry: No body told you to bring all those knives.
Dust: No one asked you to bring that nasty attitude, but I'm stuck with both.

*That's on the RPS (Raspberry Protection Squad)*

Nightmare: So... who broke it? I'm not mad. I just want to know.
Cross: I broke it.
Nightmare: No. No you didn't. Who broke it?
Everyone:
Nightmare: Dust?
Dust: Don't look at me. Look at Horror.
Horror: What?! I didn't break it!
Dust: That's funny, then how did you know it was broken?
Horror: Because it's right in front of us, and it's BROKEN.
Dust: Suspicious.
Horror: No! It's not!
Cross: Okay let's not fight, I broke it let me pay for it Nightm-
Nightmare: No! Who broke it!?
Everyone:
Killer: Nightmare...
Killer: Raspberry has been pretty quiet.
Raspberry: OH! REALLY?!
Killer: YEAH REALLY!
*Chaos*
Nightmare exits.
Nightmare: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. I bet in a couple minutes they'll have a war and a pinhead on a stick.
Nightmare: Good.
Nightmare: It was getting a little crumby around here.

*And that's on the 'Villain' Sanses*

C!Chara: Have I ever let you down?
Cross: Do you want me to answer that? Or shall I just glare?

*And that's on Underverse*

Blue: So I can either bake these cookies at 400° for 10 minutes or 4000° for 1 minute.
Classic: Blue, that's not how that works.
Blue: Floor it?
Classic: Blue no.
Blue: WHAT ABOUT 4,000,000° FOR 1 SECOND?!
Classic: Blueberry. You are going to BURN your house down.
Blue: I'M GOING TO HARNESS THE F U C K I NG SON TO BAKE THESE COOKIES
Classic: BLUEBERRY P L E A S E !

*That's on Sans brothers*

Fell: Hey Raspberry!
Raspberry: Yes Fell?
Fell: Want some updog?
Raspberry: What?
Fell: Want some updog?
Raspberry: What's updog?
Fell: Not much, what's up with you?
Raspberry:
Raspberry: Sometimes I wish you actually acted older than me.

*That's on Fell!Sans brothers*

Ink: Is there a that's a mix of angry and sad?
Nightmare: Malcontented, disgruntled, miserable, desolated.
Dream: Smad.
Error: There are two types of people.

*And that's on 'Smad'*

Blue: Fell, don't you wanna talk about your emotions.
Fell: No.
Classic: I do.
Blue: I know Classic.
Classic: I'm sad.
Blue: I know Classic.

*That's on the main three*

Dream: Hey Nitemare.
Nightmare: Actually it's spelled 'Nightmare'
Dream: These are words we're saying out loud what the f u c k is the difference?

*That's on- wait Dream swore-*

Blue: Love is dead and never existed. You are the definition or dread. I trusted you.
Classic: What happened?
Blue: Raspberry stole my f u c k i n g cookie.

*And that's on cookies *gives reader a cookie**

Error: Ink said I'm cute af and I assume that means 'and fun'.
Nightmare: Aww... it doesn't.

*And that's on un-socially-educated Error*

Dream: Will you guys stop fighting?
Ink: We are not fighting we are having a creative discussion.
Error: We are too fighting!
Ink: No! We're having a creative discussion!
Error: Fight!
Ink: Discussion!
Error: Fight!
Ink: Discussion!
Nightmare: I can't believe you guys are having a fight about if you're fighting...

*That's on even more Errink*

And that's all I got for now. Please send suggestions. So yeah.

REE-