Reality (BrightWin)

Chapter 1

(⚠ trigger warning ⚠) 

Win's POV

I woke up glistening with sweats and tears. Those dreams are hunting me, everynight,every hour and every minute. I don't know what's happening to me but all i can see and feel is like Deja Vu. In my dreams or nightmare if i call it, there's a man who keeps on holding my hand then always smile at me but shot me with a gun in the end. 

I try to keep myself calm,took a deep breathe but i can't relax and didn't realize a tears cascading into my cheeks. I look at my bedside table and saw the picture. He's smiling while he carry me at his back laughing like an idiot. Beside the picture is the picture with my mom and dad. I feel a hot liquid cascading into my cheeks. I try hard not sob but i can't so i just let it all out but the more i keeping it low, it keeps on growing on me until i can't take it anymore.

I look at my pale wrist and saw the scars. It's been a while since i meet those blades. My skin keeps on wanting to be cut, it doesn't make sense but i feel less guilty when i do cut my wrist because I'm a murderer, i killed my bestfriend and it's all my fault, all the misfortune that my family experiences is all my fault.

My parents died because of car accident 5 years ago who cause by me, who wants to go arcade and play. I'm so stupid to keep on pestering mom and dad to go and play even though it's raining hard. P' is on his classmate doing his homework.

That night is a nightmare where i want to be awake from it.

Flashback

Big lights blinded me, a deafening shout from my mom and a strong impact in my body. I woke up my body feels numb but most of it feels like I've been punch by brass knuckles. I almost feel like dying but i wish i was when i hear the news from my big brother.

He just hug me and say that it's not my fault but i know that it's mine. I didn't cry that day, I'm just looking nothing in particular, i can't speak and can't even hear my brother.

Until the funeral ended, no tears flow in my face. I'm just looking at the floor trying to process all the things that happen to me. After the funeral, P' New drag me softly inside his car and go back in our house.  P'New is a doctor so he need to go at the hospital right away.

"I'll be back"
P'New look at me and smile sadly and kiss my crown before leaving, I look at him and look away after. It's all my fault, all of the misfortune in our family is because of me. I process all the things that happen and it wakes me up from my sleep, where reality hits me hard. I cried all the tears that I've been trying to suppress, tears flow down like a waterfalls, i cried until there's no left to cry, I cry until i passed out on the bed of mine.

I woke up feeling the headache and i feel lifeless, it's dark already. I walk inside my bathroom and saw my self at the mirror, this is not me, i feel like this person doesn't even exist, this person is unfortunate and this person is a murderer.

I punch the mirror and it creates a deafening sound into my ears, i feel a liquid flowing into my hands then feel a sharp pain into my knuckles. Glasses scattered and i saw my reflection broken like it was made for me, i deserve to die and die only. I took one of the glass and didn't think twice to cut my wrist, it satisfy me and it hurts but it's nothing compare to losing your parents. I cut again until i have no strength left to cut again.

I feel dizzy and my knee gave up. I can hear the door opened, hear the voice of P'New calling my name. The footsteps getting nearer and hear the door open at my room.
"Win" P'New called me.
The bathroom door opened and i can see the shocked face of my P'
"WIIIIIIIIN! WIIIIIIN" P' New yelled trying to wake me up.
I open my eyes, tears are flowing in P's cheeks, sorry for leaving you P' 
I smile at P'
"I-I'm So-sorry P' " i said smiling and blacked out.

End of flahback.

I walk inside my bathroom and take a box at my cabinet where i hide it, i saw my blade shinning. I look at my reflection and saw a murderer, i can still hear the deafening shout from my mom and the car's honk that hit my best friend.

I close my eyes tightly trying not to hear the cries and the voices. I hit my ears until i can feel it hurting then open my eyes blinded by the blade. I took the blade and started the cuts of pleasure and the cuts of guilt. Didn't cut it deep to avoid passing out. I promised to P' New that I'm gonna cut again but it's my only way to feel that I'm still alive and the only way to decrease my guilt, I'm sorry P' i can't keep my promise.

After a minute I'm done cleaning my wounds, i bandage it and wear a hoodie. It's dark outside,I hear the door opened at the front foor and a knock on my door.
"Win?" hyung ask.
"Yes P' " i answered, i opened my door and saw P' looking at me worriedly.
"I just arrived i bought a food, go downstairs and we will eat dinner after i changed my clothes" P said kissed my crown and go to his room.

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That's it for today 💚
If it triggers you please escape this part or leave the story it's okay for me. 💚😅🙂
Take care and be safe everyone 💚
Everybody adios 💚