Gifted

Chapter Ten

Despite Iris' request, upon my release I spent the remainder of my week holed up in my dorm. Depression had started to grip me. It seemed the only comfort I found was in sleep. Eventually, sleep even became disturbing, it was too empty. Just black nothingness, I always woke feeling lonelier than before. I took full advantage of my doctor's excuse from class and sunk further into my despair.

The weekdays had been easy to avoid interaction, but the weekend was trickier. I had to eat and wasn't able to sneak out while my friends were in class as I had Thursday and Friday. Saturday, I was up extra early and successfully beat the crowd for breakfast. I spent the day reading and working on homework. For the first time in days, sleep evaded me. I stared at the white ceiling waiting for some sort of comfort. It never came. A knock on my door startled me out of my thoughts; I cranked the music blaring from my iPod, and ignored it.

By late afternoon, I was going stir crazy. I chanced the cafeteria, which was empty since it was too late for lunch and too early for dinner. Grabbing my dinner to go, I decided on a walk in the forest. The need to get out of my dorm before I developed cabin fever outweighed any eeriness I felt about walking alone in the forest. I also needed to clear my head. The breeze picked up, welcoming me, and I walked along the path until I found an old fallen tree to sit on. The moss provided cushion, and I pulled myself onto it settling down to enjoy the fresh air.

My thoughts turned toward my ability to change my hair, and I secretly wondered if it had something to do with the connection I felt to nature. It helped take my mind off of the overwhelming feeling of hopelessness, so I encouraged the distraction. I fixated on a leaf that had fallen onto the log, focusing until my head hurt. Nothing happened while I worked up the tingles waiting for a reaction. Feeling rather foolish, I resolved to give up, but something inside pushed harder, some piece of me knew I could do it. I lifted my hand toward the leaf and gave it one last shot. It began to shake, reminded of my dream; I gave the tingles one final surge. The leaf lifted off the log and into the breeze. I pulled my hand back laughing out of delight as much as shock and watched it float gradually to the ground.

It felt good to finally have something alleviate the dark cloud constantly hanging over me this last week. I held my other hand out towards the scattered leaves on the path, and just as in my dream, I didn't have to close my eyes. I focused on pushing an unseen power at them, and they blew off the trail entirely. My eyes widened, and something in the forest responded as well. A breeze picked up and swirled the leaves up and around me. I watched the colors swirl around; the fragrant decay of leaves engulfed me. I laughed. It seemed as if the forest was playing with me, joining in my game.

The leaves danced about, tangling in my hair and tickling my face. Twirling in my private show, I lifted my hands and soaked in the freedom of it; my reward, for the time I spent laughing and playing, I didn't feel any pain.

However, the pain did return. It caught up with me as I lay in bed that night crying myself to sleep. Confusion and misery poured out in what seemed like rivers. On Sunday morning, I felt considerably better, probably the best I had felt since my seizure, though that wasn't saying much.

Tired and cranky from the lack of sleep, running into Chase was not high on my list of priorities. When I saw him coming toward me in the cafeteria the next morning I spun around quickly, smacking into the person standing behind me. I don't know which would have been worse; an early morning chat with Chase or the guilt trip from Nolan because that's what I got.

I sucked air through my teeth and braced myself. The yelling never came, no that wouldn't have been so bad. The crushed look on Nolan's face was far worse.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked.

"No." I shook my head.

"I mean, I don't really understand what happened."

"Nothing, I'm just...Nolan I'm still trying to get myself together right now."

"That's fine. I can understand that, I just thought you-I don't know, I guess I just didn't think you would ignore me."

"I'm sorry." I couldn't quite find the words I should have said; excuses at this point seemed inconsequential.

"Is everything okay with you?"

I shrugged and said, "I'm dealing."

His face fell even more disappointed. "If you need to talk Morgan, I'm always here. There's no point in avoiding me, if you need space, you can tell me that too. I can take it; the important thing is that you get better. You need to do what's best for you right now. I get that."

I stood there feeling like the heel I was. I was hurting my new friends. Now along with depressed, confused, and miserable, I could add selfish to the list of things I was. I was sure outright jerk couldn't be far behind. After returning to the dorm I took a long shower; and forced myself to face the future. I could let the depression consume me, and bow down as its victim; or I could take control and move on. Yeah, it hurt, and yeah I lay in bed every night waiting for my dreams to return. I needed that little piece of happiness, something to look forward to, to hold on to; and they never came. It was time to take my life back.

I resolved to start putting the pieces back together Monday morning.

My new plan wasn't easy. It seemed in just a week I had successfully alienated my friends. Iris no longer waited for me at breakfast. Nolan must have decided to give me my space since he did not waste time acknowledging me in class. Even Chase was absent from Homeroom. I bailed before lunch and spent the rest of the afternoon in my room pouting. What did I expect? I wanted space, and I had gotten it.

Tuesday I convinced myself to take action and be bolder. I managed to get Nolan to answer some of my questions about homework I missed, and I shocked everyone by sitting with them at lunch.

Kenzie in her usual fashion didn't spend too much time welcoming me back; she easily slipped right in to chatter mode. Iris smiled at me encouragingly from the other side of the table; Gray gave his usual nod, and Nolan seemed uneasy. His nervousness was sure to stem from our equivocal relationship status; but that was something I wasn't quite ready to jump into. He was right in the fact that I did have to take care of me first.

The atmosphere around the table dissolved into our usual easy going banter, and it seemed my own nervousness had been for nothing. Kenzie and Iris were quick to accept me back. Conversation easily found us.

As we were getting up from the table and heading back to classes the feeling of being watched washed over me yet again. A chill ran through me when I saw Chase leaning back from a table across the room. His arms were crossed, and his face masked in concentration. He was staring right at me.