To Whom it May Concern (ON HOLD)

Obtaining Orange

Dear James,
I know you're having trouble with who you are, and I get that, I understand. But I need you to understand this now, James, that I know what you're afraid of, but don't you see, that I'm not scared. You left for me, and I know why, yet you must listen when I tell you, that you can't be scared of yourself.
Ella

James had found me, and he fixed everything. The sky had not yet begun its decent from the misty eyes of morning to the full attentiveness of daylight. James had brought someone with him to return my car in his spontaneous night drive to save me, he had driven me home and as I dressed for work he found breakfast. The sky denounced its spectacular vibrancy and faded into an overcast, wind-ridden atmosphere, but it was comfortable. I was wearing a long lace sweater and as I slipped back into the car, James glanced at me.

"Good morning," my breath seemed to burst from within me and it fell from my lips in a jumbled exclamation of ambiguous feeling.

"Thank you," I managed. He glanced at me and with unexplainable sensitivity I felt him warm eyes float over me. He didn't look at me like he wanted anything, he didn't expect anything from me, he looked at me like I was something new, as if he hadn't know me his whole life.

I felt the smile in his voice, I could feel it slide across my shoulders,

"Of course,"

The crisp pink light of early morning had faded into a fierce orange that lept behind drizzling clouds. So as we drove, I let it all pass me and took it in stride. I didn't try to hold on to anything we passed, I just lived it, I just let it bloom. The morning had become something more than what it was, this morning, it was a beginning to more than just a day, or a phase of my life. Something beautiful was rising to the surface just as the sunlight pushing through the hazy fog.

When we reached Estella's a light rain began to drizzle atop the windshield so that the solid view was obscured. I let my hands beat gently on the dashboard for a moment, I began to climb from the car when suddenly James' fingers slid onto mine. Excitement seemed to careen through me and nerves sparked like hot wires beneath my skin as he pulled me down toward him. His breath was hot and musty on my neck and it swam through the damp air to stir my hair.

"Call me later?" He asked, and I nodded briskly and pulled myself spasticly from the car, the feel of his fingers alive on my skin.

I walked across the damp, black pavement with something strong settling inside of me. I felt solid, I felt secure and calm but with a hint of a wild uncertainty. Leaves crunched under my boots and the warm crackle seemed to seep inside of me. I reached the door of the little, humble store and with nothing more than a sudden jolt of feeling I felt myself turn. James sat in his car and when I glanced at him a slow smile came alive with a quiet, sloping slur of sweetness. His mouth was curved up just enough that from my comfortably numb position I could see it. His eyebrows raised in smug curiosity and to my surprise I felt a blush rise to my cheeks.

So with a flustered countenance I waved quickly and turned in a flimsy arch and stumbled into the familiar smell of pages and old wood.

I inhaled and a slow breath fell from my lips. I tilted my head back just slightly and a big clumsy grin fell across my face. I didn't turn around, I just made my way across the wooden floor and practically threw myself behind the counter.