- comfort. ; a saiouma shortfic

; one. ouma-centric.

the world was closing in on him. the heart-piercing stares of his fellow students were endless. it was so hard to breathe.
past memories of the killing game flooded his mind. the hatred in everyone's eyes as he spoke during the trials, the pushing and shoving from harukawa and momota.

and the glare in saihara's eyes as he told him; "you're alone kokichi. and you always will be."

and that's when his entire world broke. those eight simple words hurt him like hell. the thought of being alone without anyone by his side was overwhelming.
he wasn't prepared for the pain he went through.
he wasn't prepared for daily panic attacks, where he would helplessly lay on his bed and cry, his body curled up like a child.
and he definitely wasn't prepared when he found out that the hell school was all a simulation, a lie. he hated lies, so much. he expected to be dead. either in heaven or hell, he didn't care. but here he was now, laying on the bed of his new apartment.

next to the detective that has once hated him.

why did saihara even apologize to him for the things he had said when he had woken up from the simulation? he deserved it. he deserved all the yelling and punching he recieved from others. he didn't deserve someone's apology, nor someone's sorrow. he already convinced himself that he is a monster, undeserving of love.
of someone's care.
of having the feeling of happiness.
of having a fond memory.
of having someone by his side.
of having the warm affection of others.
he was useless.
useless useless useless useless useless useless useless usele-

and then he woke up in a cold sweat, shaking and heart beating profusely. he sat up on the bed, confused. looking around, he immediately got used to his surroundings. the familiar corner covered in various potted plants, the drawer next to his side of the bed with a dimly-lighted lamp, the pure white cat laying next to his feet.
ouma yawned, voice scratchy. "the same dream again... fuck.."
he layed back down, head snuggled against his pillow and eyes closed. he had dreams like those often, that was the downside of ptsd. ouma was about to fall asleep until he felt shuffling on the opposite side of the bed.
his eyes popped open, turning around to see a familiar bluenette, who was sleeping like a baby.
that's right... saihara and him got into a relationship a few months after being in the hospital for so long. saihara accidentally confessed his love to ouma while he was crying over the other actually being alive.
ouma smiled warmly as he reminisced the past, grabbing saihara's hand into his own. he didn't deserve saihara, he truly didn't. the taller had a heart of gold, everyone liked him. he was so, so kind and caring. ouma believed he was the total opposite. how did he get someone so wonderful in his life? he doesn't know.

then the thoughts flooded in. like a raging tsunami.

what if saihara thinks that he's annoying? what if saihara leaves him? what if saihara doesn't want anything to do with him anymore? what if-

ouma didn't even realize he was crying until he felt a hand softly brush against his cheek. he looked up to see the detective closer to him than before, a worried look plastered on his face as he continued to carress the other's cheek.
"hey, 'kichi... you okay..?" that voice, that godawful voice. it was so calming, so sweet. it could calm someone down in an instant. ouma cried even harder, hot tears flowing rapidly as he aggresively shook his head no.
"i'm s-sorry i woke you up i'm really sorry i-" he got interrupted by the other pulling him into a hug, ouma's head against the taller's chest. saihara pulled up the covers to both of them and combed his fingers through kokichi's purple locks, his other hand rubbing patterns into ouma's back.
"shh, shh.. it's okay. was it the same dream? do you want to talk about it?"
ouma snuggled closer to saihara's chest, his grip against the other's back becoming tighter, "please don't leave me... i- i don't know what i'd do without you, shu. i don't want you to think i'm a-annoying or bitchy- i mean i know i am but i don't want y-you to think that, though i understand if you do i-i-i'm an awful p-person i do-don't deserve someone as amazing as you and-" ouma got interrupted once again by a tender kiss being placed on his lips from his beloved. saihara lifted the violet's chin up, wiping the endless streaming tears off the other with his thumb.
"don't you ever, ever think that way. you are wonderful, beautiful, outstanding. i love everything about you. your looks, your personality; it's all amazing. i will never leave you, and i definitely don't think that way about you. you're my world, my everything. there's no words to describe how great you are, 'kichi."
ouma melted to saihara's words, the tears eventually coming to a stop as he laid his head back on the other's chest. "..i really don't deserve you, shu. you're too sweet to me." that was a lie. ouma knew he deserved the detective. the two meant everything to eachother. through every ups and downs, they vowed to never leave the other.

"i love you, shuichi."
.....
.....
.....
"i love you too, kokichi. so much."
and with that, everything was calm. ouma laying against saihara, the sound of his steady heartbeat drifting him to sleep. and shuichi, holding his beloved tight, a sign that the other will never be alone, never afraid again.

{963 words. i hope you enjoyed this fic!}