Quandary

Filling The Void

Am I really allowed to be like this? Am I really allowed to be... Happy? The more days that passed, the more I wondered if I really was happy. Humans are selfish, the more they get, the more they want. It was a basic principle of ours. So where did that fit in with me? I sometimes worried that my wanting to be more than friends with Hailey would ruin the friendship we had built. But those thoughts were only a minor bump in the road. The happier I came to be, the more it felt like there was no void to me. It felt as if there was no repeating cycle. Hailey and Braxton had made my life much better.

"Did you get the game?" Asked Barry.

"Yup!" I said as I pulled the video game's case out from my backpack.

"Alright!"

Barry's face threw on a denoted smile of cheer and happiness. He flipped over the case that I handed him and began scanning the back with his eyes.

"You got the alternate art one too! I got the original art."

"Dang, I didn't even know I got this version."

"Want to play after school today?"

"Yeah! I just have to help Braxton with his math class for a little bit."

I walked down the school hallway to my next class later that day, permanently stuck with a cheery mood. Everything seemed to fly by in a sense of happiness. Every stroke of my pencil, the dusty smell of that one unfinished room, the jittering computer in science class, they all seemed like a unique part of the day to me. No longer did they feel like dreaded parts of the cycle known as life. I never understood why people liked the idea of falling in love, there just seemed to be no point to it. But now I think I'm beginning to get it. Falling in love makes everything in your life better. It gives you something to look forward to. It gives you hope in the fleeting nature of darkness. Oh gosh, I sound cheesy don't I? I don't care though. I would have probably thought this mindset was all wrong a month or two ago. But I realize now that I was living life all wrong.

I pressed the bag down onto the table gently. I pulled out book after book, humming to myself quietly. The light in the usual room flickered and then resided at its normal state. I felt my nose twitch for a moment. I sneezed before myself, catching my bottom in the seat behind me. I wiped away a thick layer of dust from the table.

"Already set up?" Asked Braxton as he rounded the hallway and entered the room.

"Yeah," I said as I pulled out a chair for him.

He casually strutted in, his back slouched slightly down like usual. His hands pulled at the insides of his pockets. It was his usual expression of walking. He seemed normal. I wanted to ask him how his mother was doing. It was hard to think that his mother could fall victim to abuse from another adult. Braxton softly lowered himself into the chair I had readied for him.

"How'd the test go?" I questioned.

"Eighty-seven." He spoke, his face lowered down to a book that he had opened.

"That's pretty good!"

Braxton looked up, smirking slightly.

"I guess so."

"What are we working on today?"

"I need some help with exponential rules."

I shifted my gaze over to the page of the book he had been reading. I pointed to one of the problems and began talking. An hour or two passed by in the mustiness of the room. They were fast and well thought out hours. The lesson had gone well, Braxton understood everything I had explained. He had come so far from that first lesson we did so long ago. His understanding of the words and numbers went by smoothly, and he began to talk more concisely to the point.