Quandary

Parallel To A Mistake

I violently swung forth from my bed. My head slammed into the front of my desk lamp. Dammit, I kept forgetting to move that. I fell back down into my bed, not wanting to take on the obstacles of the world. I closed my eyes, trying to slip away into another reality. Maybe I could find myself in a place where me and Hailey were together. The longer I tried to forget about this world, the more I felt like an idiot. I eventually hoisted myself down to the carpeted floor. I took a towel and walked into the depths of my lonesome shower. My hands pushed shampoo and conditioner into my twisted hair like usual. Let's see... Radon is an odorless gas produced from thorium, radium, and uranium. I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off. I wonder what Hailey is- No. I gave up on her. I can't keep thinking about her. I replaced my thoughts of her with that familiar dullness the world carried. It was the kind of dull that you don't want to change. Because if it did, you wouldn't know what to do. Of course, that was just a lie I told myself. I tweaked my hair, put on deodorant, and grabbed my lunch. I headed out the door, listening to the soft breaths of my parents from upstairs. I hardly ever saw them since the field trip. My father was furious with me when I told him about the money my mother gave me. My mother shouted at me only to catch herself and then try to apologize. I knew it the whole time, she was faking sincerity. All so she could control me. Only after they scolded me and screamed with anger, did they realize my face was bruised? I'm fine now, it's healed. But when I refused to explain how I got roughed up, my father nearly punched a hole in the wall. He canceled my guitar lessons and said I could no longer leave the house except for when it came to school. After that, I tried my hardest to avoid them. It really was like we lived in separate worlds. The only time I interacted with them was when they pried me away from my room to eat their meals or to check on my grades.

My feet clattered against the gritty cement of the sidewalk. I stood by the bus stop, waiting for it to come. The kids around me quietly buried their faces into their phones like usual. I stared fervently at the ground below and studied it for anything interesting.

"Hey Don."

Hailey walked up to me, calmly handing me a chocolate as if it were normal for us to exchange such sweets. I pushed away her hand and kept silent.

"What's wrong? You don't want any?"

I nodded my head up and down slowly.

"Oh, okay..."

Hailey stood by me, twiddling her thumbs in the cold of the morning. This was normally when I would say something to start a new conversation. I had gotten better at conversing with her instead of relying on something stupid like a dating simulator for advice. But now times were different. I had given up on pursuing Hailey. I just had to leave her alone... Hailey stared at my saddened face.

"Something wrong Don?"

"No," I replied back hastefully.

The two of us stood next to each other awkwardly, staying in absolute silence. I wanted to talk to her, I really did. But if I do, I'll start to think about her again. I won't be able to escape my liking of her. After what felt like a millennia, the bus blundered down the road. The vehicle skidded down to us and noisily cranked open its doors. I sat down in a seat that I normally never went to, Hailey followed after me. I almost wanted to tell her to leave me alone. But I couldn't do that... I pressed my head against the window, trying to ignore Hailey who was to the left of me. My eyes swiftly followed the desolate houses that passed by. I buried my hands into my pockets and painfully kept silent.

"So how have things been Don? I haven't heard from you since the field trip ended!"

I didn't say anything for a minute or two. I could tell Hailey was suspecting that something was up. Finally, I decided to reply.