high school sweethearts | cranksepticeye

18 - apology

eth, just calm down, it's gonna be fine. just talk to him

it was 3am and i was curled up on my sofa eating ice cream, watching cheesy rom-com movies and craughing: a new term i invented for crying and laughing at the same time. i'd reached out to mark and had been talking to him for about ten minutes now. i'd contacted him hours ago but he'd only just gotten back to me. mark was my only friend from high school that i'd managed to keep contact with. i stopped talking to everybody else.

i'd explained everything that had happened to him, everything about the huge mess i'd made. things between me and sean were going so well. if i hadn't made such a hasty and ridiculous move on him, maybe we would have been able to work something out. not now though. now i'd completely ruined it.

i truly hated myself for what i'd done. i knew he was having relationship troubles, and all he wanted was a break and someone to have a laugh with. i took advantage of that. i took advantage of the fact that he was struggling with his girlfriend, and the fact that he was almost too drunk to even process what was happening. i wasn't even all too sure how it happened. one minute we were just joking and talking and the next my lips were on his. something came over me and i was so disgusted with myself for allowing the sensation to control me like that.

ethan? you there bud?

i looked down at my phone. i'd completely forgotten that mark had messaged me. i hastily typed a reply, mispelling some of the words since my vision was hindered.

yeah, srry mark. how te hell am i suposed to talk to him? whaat the fuck do i even sey?

i knew sean disliked me now. fuck that, he hated me. and i didn't blame him. 

do you have his number? 

yea but  it' his old on. he hs a new one now

how do you know?

peple kept findng his num snd texting and calling him. he had to get a new one. he saud in a video

oh, right. well, why don't you try talking to him on instagram? he's less likely to see it but it's worth a shot

mark had a point. but i knew if i tried contacting him at all it wouldn't work out for me. i'd either be ignored or get told to go away. there was no way in hell he'd ever want to talk to me again after what i did.

there's no pount. he'll ignore me

you don't know that

yes, yes i do

you don't know until you try. even if he doesn't want to talk to you, you should text him to apologise anyway

i sighed and looked up at the ceiling. mark was right. i had to let him know that i was sorry, even if he didn't want to hear it. i clicked off of mark's contact and opened up instagram, typing in sean's username. for a few seconds i considered backing out, but i knew that would be wrong of me, and mark would get annoyed if i didn't. i clicked on the message button and a new conversation opened up. i took a deep breath before typing out what i wanted to say.

i know nyou probably hate me. you dont gave to talk to me if yuou don t want to. i just wnt yiu to kn ow that im sorry

i stared at the screen for at least ten minutes. i was unsure about what i was waiting for. i looked at the time on my phone, it was 3:23am. i soon realised that I needed to text mark back. when i was about to close instagram to text mark, I noticed something in our conversation: mine and sean's conversation.

Read at 3:18