I kinda feel bad being rude to y/n but i just don't want to catch feelings even though i think i already am. Its just kinda hard not to bc like, she's gorgeous and funny and just a cool person to be around. But I'm dating Cynthia so i cant do that, even though I'm starting to lose feelings for Cynthia, i still don't want to break her heart.
Today there is a party, and we don't have school anymore bc of this corona outbreak so i guess there is gonna be a lot of party's before we go on full lockdown. At the party I'm gonna try and talk to y/n, i want to apologize to her for being so rude and try to be at least friends. I don't think she likes me the way i like her but I wouldn't blame her i have been a total prick to her and she's only been her for like what? A few days? Idk but imma talk to her if she goes to the party.
*Y/N'S POV*
Today we have no school because of a corona outbreak but its not all the way bad to were we have to go on lock down. Im sure in like a week or two they will make us go on lockdown but oh well. I honestly don't know what imma do with my day but tomorrow i get to see my friends bc they're coming to New Jersey tomorrow!! Im so excited, and I honestly don't feel bad that they wanna beat up Mattia and Shalie wants to beat up Cynthia even though I already beat her up🤪 but i don't let anyone disrespect me and get away with it and on top of that Mattia has been rude to me the whole time I've been here like wtf?!
It kinda makes me sad bc I honestly thought Mattia was cute, and idk why but even though he is rude to me every time i see him i get butterflies. That can't be right though bc I don't catch feelings, and he doesn't feel the same anyways, like it's obvious.
Ive honestly been a little sad lately, I don't know what it is but like I've been depressed, and idk even really know whats it about. Like i know i sound dumb but sometimes when i go to like Katies or Kairis or Ales, etc and i see there parents, they look so happy like they have everything they want and if they want something they get it right there, when my mom is over here struggling and the money she does makes goes to the bills, food, and she tries to spend it on me but i tell her no. And i don't even know what its like to have a dad so that also makes me a little sad bc they all look happy with their family.
And I've just been feeling empty, and like no one is there for me. Like even though people say they are there, are they really? I know for sure my Crenshaw friends are, like i told them about a fight and now they're coming all the way down here just for me. I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. But anyways yeah I've just been feeling so empty and sad, and I've been putting on a fake smile acting like a bad bitch when all i want to do is sit in my room by myself and cry. So to help with the pain I've just been getting high and vibing to music just thinking about life. Im actually high right know bc im smoking my weed. But then i get a ft call from the group (New Jersey group).
