Letting go is the most complicated word.
Sabi nila, ang pinakakumplikadong salita na raw ay 'I love you'. Pero para sa akin 'Letting go' ang mas, bakit? Kapag nagsabi ka sa isang tao ng 'I love you' you're just expressing how you feel towards the person, you seem to value each and every part of that person. But if you're expecting an 'I love you too' then let me tell you this. You're doomed!
We can always tell a person we love them, but we can never know if we'll get an answer to that. I know that it's not a question that needs to be answered. Pero mageexpect at mageexpect ka pa rin ng kapalit.
Kapag hindi mo nakuha yun, diyan na papasok ang sandamakmak na tanong na magpapasakit sa ulo mo.
Should I stay like this towards him/her?
Should I stop these feelings now?
Can I stop these feelings now?
Is it worth all the pain?
Would I be happy if I'll let this all out?
SHOULD I LET GO?
Mga tanong na mahirap sagutin kahit ang sagot ay simpleng yes or no lang.
Mahirap magexpect at madisappoint. Mahirap mag risk pero mahirap din na playing safe lang lagi. Either ways you'll have to face the reality and feel the pain.
No choice ka kasi nagmahal ka eh.
Bakit ko kaya to nasasabi? Simple lang, I've been loving him for 7 years now. Sa loob ng pitong taon na yun, ang mga tanong na yan ang pumapasok sa isip ko tuwing naaalala ko siya.
Matagal na kaming walang kumunikasyon. Still, he holds my heart and every inch of me. It hurts to think of these things this way but that's just the way it is.
You hold me without touch..
You keep me without chains..
I never wanted anything so much..
But to drown in your love and not feel your rain..
Kahit nasaan ako naiisip ko siya.
Ano na kayang hitsura niya ngayon? Ganun pa rin kaya yung hairstyle niya? Malambot pa rin kaya ang mga kamay niya? Mapula pa rin ba ang mga labi niya? I unconsciously touched my lips. I only got to kiss him twice.
Naaalala pa kaya niya ako? Kilala pa kaya niya ako? Naiisip din ba niya ako tulad ng nangyayari sa akin araw araw?
Set me free..
Leave me be..
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity..
Here I am..
And I stand so tall..
Just the way I am supposed to be..
But you're on to me..
And all over me..
Maraming beses ko nang naisipan na bitawan ang kung ano mang nararamdaman ko sa kanya. Sa sobrang tagal ko na siyang minamahal naging pamilyar na ako sa mabilis na pagtibok ng puso ko marinig ko lang ang pangalan niya, makita ko lang ang kaisa isang picture niya na tinago ko. Sanay na rin akong maramdaman ang tila mahinang pagpisil sa puso ko tuwing maaalala ko ang lahat ng nangyari sa amin.
I lived here on my knees as I try to make you see..
That you're everything I think I need here on the ground..
But you're niether friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go..
But one thing I still now is that you're keeping me..
Down..
You're keeping me down..
Sa tuwing iisipin ko na bibitawan na kita bigla na lang bumabalik sa alaala ko yung ngiting bibihira lang makita sa mukha mo. At maaalala ko kung paanong yung nararamdaman kong to para sayo ang naging tanging lakas ko sa lahat ng pagsubok na dumadating sa buhay ko. Yes, I have to admit. You're my gravity. You keep me sane and alive. How could I ever have the guts to let you go.
Could you tell me?
I felt a sudden rush of wind embrace me. It's cold.
November na kasi, malapit na nga pala yung birthday ko. Naaalala ko pa, na tuwing birthday ko you always make surprises. And you never failed to amuse me. You always find a way to make me smile. Sabi mo pa dati my smiles always make your day.
Something always brings me back to you..
It never takes too long..
Hi Love, how are you? I really miss you so much you know, alam mo bang hindi pa rin kita makalimutan? Do you still remember me? Do you still love me? I want to hold your hand again. I want to touch your face and tell you I love you.
"Hija, nandito ka pala ulit. It's been 7 years right?" lumingon ako sa kanya at ngumiti.
"Tita, kita nyo nga naman po ang pagkakataon. Dito pa tayo nagkita of all places." I approached her and hugged her so tightly.
"Bakit ka nga pala nandito? You miss him?" she asked me. I smiled weakly.
"Lagi naman po, he never left me. He's always here." tinuro ko ang kaliwang parte ng dibdib ko. "I thought I would be able to let him go kapag lumayo ako. Pero nagkamali ako Tita. Hindi ko na po yata siya makakalimutan. He'd been a part of me and always will be." I felt a tear roll down my face.
"Hija, hindi siya magiging masaya kung nasaan man siya ngayon kung makikita niyang nagkakaganyan ka pa rin. Please be happy. I know na yun din ang gusto niya." pinunasan ni Tita ang luhang pumatak sa mata ko. I smiled weakly at her.
"I'll learn Tita, someday. Sige po, mauuna na po ako." lumuhod ako sa harap ng lapida niya. Hinaplos ko ang pangalan niya.
I'll always love you Jeremy Samuel. You'll always be the one.
With that I stood up. Hugged her Mom once again and walked away with a weak smile.
