Song of the Firebird

Four

Thoughts were running wild on her mind. Should I tell him? How will he react? Am I ready to start a family yet? We are not even married. I hadn't met any of his family, neither did he. Will they accept me? Will he accept me and the baby? Should we have a wedding?

After her friends left, she resorted to her usual routine– move to the windows and check if they have left the neighbourhood safe and sound. Kiara's ex lives around the corner and he always invited trouble whenever the women confronted him. She knew Ivy can take charge in anything with her pepper sprays and spice canisters, she sometimes wondered if they ever needed a backup. 

As soon as they were out of sight, she slowly moved to her bed. 'Pregnancy, huh', she thought. 'I am going to have a baby. Will I raise it well?'

She decided to meet with Jay, the first thing in the morning. The coming days being the weekend, she will have to travel to Bunna town. She needed to catch the train at 10 20am. She was having second thoughts because she could not risk the baby if she rode her motorbike.

Later that night, she dreamt of rattles and rompers among the happy smiles. She had always wanted a family. The crying part pulled her out of the peaceful slumber that she hadn't experienced for a long time. Waking up, she was quite confused about the whereabouts of her alarm.

Suppressing her yawn with a single palm, she turned to the bedside table and let out a scream after witnessing the digital display. 10 00.

Her swearing added colours to the place. In the span of just twenty minutes, she rushed out through her apartment door. The next second, she was ready to throw a second round of fit if she happened to miss any trains or bus on the way.

An hour and a half later, her sight was rewarded with the iconic railway station of the Bunna town. It was one of the smallest in the country and held only two platforms. One can see a bullet train making an appearance for every one hour. If they missed the train, they had to face a loathsome hour full of plans and regrets. There were no other sources of entertainment, except a theatre and a farm. Majority of the town owned lands and practiced farming. One can collect the fresh organic produce for as cheap as souvenirs if they happened to visit that town. Besides, there were some quirky old cafes that let one read books and do art besides the coffee and cakes. The cinnamon rolls were must-haves from the Zinnia Bakery. At weekends, the bars were flocked full with the townspeople, young and old. Sometimes, they end up in chaos, with all the betting, bickering and the lewd talks.

For an outsider, the town seemed off limits when compared to the life in the city.

Natasha was quite anxious and was already playing what choices of words she must put into her fated meeting with Jay while opening about their big picture. With sweat trickling down to her palms, she sat down on the stone bench by the platform. She was in a dilemma whether or not to break the news; whether or not to have the kid; whether or not she could raise the baby all by herself, if and when Jay broke up with her. She was beginning to sound paranoid. Shaking her thoughts off, she moved towards the exit.

The half-a-mile walk to his place gave her strength and determination which she couldn't get from a half-a-day trek. On reaching her destination, she rang the bell to his door, prepping up her last minute speech. She tapped her feet while waiting for the clanking of locks that never came. 'Maybe he was in the shower', she thought.

She began pacing back and forth the corridor for about thirty minutes. She even pressed her ears to detect even the slightest of the sounds. When there were none, she was disappointed. 'He might have gone to a nearby town. I will have some tea and wait for him by the café at the end of the street.'

Natasha believed personal meetings brought more meaningful and stronghold bonds than when something was conveyed over the phone. Only after telling him, she planned to check with a physician.

Sipping the earl grey latte, courtesy of the hormones, she browsed the aisles looking for a book of her taste. She ended up picking a piece about parenting, seated herself in the table at the end and skimmed under the articles under bold lettering. Eventually, she passed out. When she woke, she could see the orange coloured sky, indicating that the dusk was nearby and her last train was at 8pm.  She set out to his place again and rang the doorbell. She was not sure if she heard the bell inside his flat, but she was sure she heard something ringing in her stomach. That's when, she felt the need to fulfill her calorie needs.

Again, when no response came, a woman in her mid-fifties, came out for an evening jog from the next door.

'Are you looking for Mr. Jay?', she asked.

Natasha nodded and said, 'Yes. I am waiting for him.'

'I am sorry to say this, I haven't seen him since yesterday. He left his dog in the daycare and told me over the phone that he won't be back until a few days.'

Personal meetings and crap. 'Do you know when he will be back?'

'I don't know. He often travels around and will tell the contents of his trip only after coming back.'

'Oh, right. Yeah.'

'Is there any message should I convey when he comes back?'

'Ah... No, that's okay. Thank you for telling me. I think I will get going.' The older woman stared at the younger one, until the latter's shadow was gone.

Mumbling incoherent sentences, she set foot in the diner, adjacent to the railway station. Since all the crowds were attending the bar, she went straight to the shy part-time cashier, and almost roared, 'Give me two portions of meal and dessert, recommended by your head chef!'

For the first time, the cashier who was aspiring to shred some of his chubby mass, regarded the woman before him in wonder. A being who never cared how much the food ordered will bring the numbers up when taken at the end of the day, prayed that she wouldn't have a puking episode. However, he held back his tongue and gave what she wanted. When she was about to finish her meal, he placed a can of lemon soda near her plate and said, 'It is on the house. Have a great meal.'

The woman behind the plates looked at him for a long time and said,' Thank you.' He then nodded and resumed his place behind the counter, staring at the door. Natasha boarded the last train to the city and the last bus to her neighbourhood.

As soon as she hit her bed, sleep drowned her in, playing heartbreak scenes on her dreams.

The next morning, she booked an appointment for the next week with a gynaecologist to check where and how she stands in her bumpy ride. Before the D-day, she called her first visit to the hospital, she was contemplating whether to keep the baby or not. 

That day, when she was busy clearing three consecutive tables, she overheard a conversation. A monologue. Tracing the origin of the sound, she looked at the woman in her sixties taking slow bites from her blueberry cheesecake, with a hot mocha and a rose laid on the other side, untouched.

'....your then girlfriend, Mika. I met her last week. She was tagging along with your group of high school friends. They were all smiles and tears when we bumped into each other in the wet market. It seems that they were having dinner in Mika's place to celebrate her motherhood. I saw the babies, Ash. For twins, the girls looked healthy and resembled part Mika and Troy. Two vivid pairs of ocean blue eyes. If you saw them, you would never let them go. So beautiful. It took me to the days when you were born. A bundle full of warmth and love. Ah, I miss those days. You struggled to protect our innocence along with our smiles and tears. You didn't fail, son. We are happy and we are grateful that we have you, even in our darkest times. Please guide us ahead, Ash. We miss you. Don't forget to smile even when you are shifted to the hellhole. You'll always be in our hearts.'

She paused for a moment and continued with a bittersweet tone, 'When you visit hell, say hi to your Dadda for me and don't forget to shove your middle finger to his face, for the mess he'd put us through.'

Natasha was glued to her feet. She looked again at the woman and bid her a wordless thanks. She now has answers to all her obnoxious questions.