Song of the Firebird

Six

Natasha stared at the new additions to her kitchenette - a 3-in-1 Instant tea mix and two cartons of milk. Her gaze scorched the twenty bags with thirty grams of the mix inside each of them as soon as her voicemail ended. She moved to the cupboard and returned to the counter with a soild blue ceramic mug. She emptied the contents of a sachet in it and filled bubbling hot water inside. After stirring for a while, she took a sip.

The drink lacked something.

She poured more milk and sugar, and then sipped. She didn't settle with the new concoction either. She rummaged through her spice cabinet for her prestigious collection of spices. Her babies. Ahem! Her spicy babies. She settled with Cinnamon after going through the glass bottles one by one. She sprinkled the wonder spice on her tea and moved closer to the armchair by the window. Resting her legs at the windowsill, she began taking short sips while looking at the dark starry sky.

She felt more rage and regret than she missed him. She didn't want to cry. She had a tough weekend. She had to be strong. As strong as those rocky mountain ranges, that scared incoming disasters with their stubbornnes to move an inch. What could she do? She is not as strong as them. She is only a clay. A small one at that, that could stand in as a playdough. Acknowledging her blunt reality, her tears became the new ingredient to her tea. This time, the beverage was declared unfit with more water inside.

Sometimes, she thought, whether Jay was like the other men she dated. Were they some soothsayers, that they hold decisions over sensitive matters about their life, without asking for their partner's opinion and fly away? She had enough problems on her side. Anything may pop up now, she thought.  Her plate looked spotless for shits.

Controlling her sobs to whimpers, she looked longingly at the moon, as if she wanted the moon to borrow her pain, as it did the same thing, in terms of light, from the sun. She wished she would gladly give away her troubles given the process became feasible.

What is a human without trouble, anyway? Living becomes hell without them.

She was not aware of minutes that passed. The tea was cold from both time and the air.

She had to endure her past and present. She knew that her past was not done for good yet. It was not like she was in hiding out of her action, rather she was in hiding out of fear. She was neither an outlaw nor a criminal. Instead, she was the victim. A victim who happened to run away from the violence that pushed her subsequently to take up a nomadic way of life. Truth be told, how she landed with them in the first place since her teens was spine-chilling.

In addition to her dynamic vulnerability, she had one more life on the line to protect that was just getting ready to witness the cruelty surrounding Natasha. The mother, however, had to clear them herself before the baby arrived or she had to muster enough strength before the baby came. She found the latter being the only possible option since her peace would be rewarded only with the death of someone.

Jay  was her only escapade.

Now, the guy would be gone for how many months and Natasha was not ready to believe the one-month crap of family emergency. How would it be even possible? Look at her! Her family emergency runs for over fifteen years. Sighing, she decided to wait. If the guy had the audacity to tell his girlfriend of merely four months about his eleventh-hour travel adding that he would also be back soon, she believed that her wait will be worthy enough. If he did not, she might wait a bit and take the next flight to his place to pound him with fists and questions. She smiled and wondered if she ever had to display that kind of bravado to drag him back to her.

She placed her cup on the floor, didn't want to bother it anymore either with her tears or sweat.

So, he leaves the country tomorrow, she thought. Would it be okay if she paid him a visit in the airport? She then had to counter it because her actions would be too sentimental. It was not like he was breaking up with her over text. He would be back soon. He said so.