Aren't You A Little Young To Be Building An Interdimensional Portal?

Chapter 2

Five Minutes Earlier...

"Perry the Platypus!" Doofenshmirtz says with a frown. "You're late! What, you destroy 150 of my inators, and suddenly, I'm not important enough to keep a schedule with?"

Perry chatters apologetically. At least, he looks apologetic. Doofenshmirtz doesn't really know what he means when he makes that noise. Usually he can use context clues, but sometimes, he just has to make a guess and hope for the best. He's okay with the language barrier, though. He still likes trying to destroy his nemesis, whether he understands what his little friend says or not.

"Anyways..." Doofenshmirtz begins.

A net scoops Perry up without warning. Doofenshmirtz has used this trapping method a few times, when he couldn't think of anything thematically related to his current invention. Sure, Perry always escapes eventually, but it holds him for the duration of his emotionally scarring backstory and his introduction of his inator, and that's the important part.

"You see, Perry the Platypus," Doofenshmirtz says, "all my life, I've just wanted to have a friend, but I was never cool enough. Everyone just laughed at me. Now, I've tried to make myself cool -- you know that; you just blew up my cool-inator a few weeks ago. I've finally come to realize that I will never fit our world's definition of 'cool.'"

Perry chatters sympathetically.

"And then I heard about the 'infinite universes' theory," Doofenshmirtz continues, "and it hit me! If there's a universe for everything, then there's got to be a universe where I'm cool, and everyone from Drusselsteinian isn't!"

Perry stares at him blankly.

"Now, I can't just open up a portal into that dimension. That would be too hard," Doofenshmirtz tells him. "Instead, I'm going to draw every interdimensional portal in the multiverse here, to the tri-state area, using this!" Doofenshmirtz gestures to his new inator sitting on the balcony. "Behold, the dimension-changer-intator!"

He pauses to give Perry a moment to behold it.

"Now, obviously, I can't force someone from another dimension to open up a portal right when I fire it, but if there are really infinite universes, someone is bound to be opening a portal from one of them, right? So I'll just bring them over here, and we can be best friends!"

Perry chatters quietly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Perry the Platypus," Doofenshmirtz says with a frown. "It's not that I don't like being your nemesis. I do! It's just that I really want a friend, you know? Not just a secret agent that breaks down my door every day."

Perry glances at the platypus-sized hole in the door.

"But I promise," Doofenshmirtz continues. "Nothing is going to change between us. I'm not replacing you; I'm just expanding my friendship circle."

Perry chatters again.

"I'm glad you understand," Doofenshmirtz says. At least, he hopes Perry understands, but, again, with the language barrier, he's kind of making assumptions. "Now, watch as I summon a new friend from another dimension!"

Doofenshmirtz walks over to the dimension-changer-inator, but he pauses before he fires it. He's going to meet whoever is opening a portal when he presses that button. The very instant he presses it will shape the rest of his life. This is a big moment for him. This will determine who his new best friend is. He doesn't want to push it too soon, but he doesn't want to wait too long, either. He has faith that when his new best friend is opening a portal, he'll know.

Without warning, Perry flies from his trap and kicks Doofenshmirtz in the face. This results in a bit of a scuffle and, per usual, Doofenshmirtz ends up lying on the ground as Perry heads for the self destruct button, which Doofenshmirtz expertly hid under the barrel of the inator.

Perry looks around for a few moments, then points at the big red button that fires the inator. Doofenshmirtz is about to tell him that, but he stops himself just in time. He doesn't need to tell Perry, right? It's not like the game is over just because Doofenshmirtz is on the ground and Perry's not. And OWCA never specifically forbid him from lying to their agents. He's evil. Isn't he supposed to lie.

So Doofenshmirtz nods. "Yep, that right there, that's the self destruct button. Go on. Hit it. Hit the self destruct button."

Perry just stares at him.

"Go on," Doofenshmirtz repeats. "You win. Hit the destruct button."

Perry hesitates, but he hits the button anyway.

The dimension-changer-inator shoots off a large green ray, and Doofenshmirtz cackles. "Thank you, Perry the Platypus! You've just drawn every single interdimensional portal in the multiverse right into the tri-state area!"

Perry's eyes widen.

"Let's go see who my new friends are!" Doofenshmirtz hops to his feet and heads to the inator.

Perry steps in front of it, holding his arms out as if he could possibly stop Doofenshmirtz from getting any closer. Obviously, he could, given that he's a semi-aquatic, egg-laying mammal of action (what? Doof respect the theme song!), but holding that pose isn't helping him.

"Relax, Perry the Platypus!" Doofenshmirtz says. "I already have my new friend. You can blow up the inator in a minute. I just want to take a look. I don't know where you ended up shooting it."

Perry hesitates, then steps aside. Doofenshmirtz looks through the telescope that he so conveniently installed on the inator, pointing exactly where the barrel of the inator is. It should show him exactly where his new friend is.

Instead, it showed him two gun-wielding maniacs.

"I, uh..." Doofenshmirtz chuckles awkwardly. "I don't think they're going to be my new friends."

Puzzled, Perry hops up to look through the telescope for a moment, then hops back, looking worried.

"I know, right?" Doofenshmirtz agrees. "I mean, this is a kids' show, for crying out loud! You can't bring guns into a kids' show!"

And then, without so much as a chatter, Perry is hang gliding out of Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated. He didn't even let Doofenshmirtz revel in his success. Sure, he accidentally brought guns into a kid's show, but his inator technically succeeded, and he was really looking forward to bragging about that.

So Doofenshmirtz stands on the overhang of the building and yells, "Curse you, Perry the Platypus!"