Aren't You A Little Young To Be Building An Interdimensional Portal?

Chapter 7

Perry knocks on Doofenshmirtz's door this time. He doesn't mind destroying the place during their daily battles, but he'd feel bad if he broke in every time he showed up. He may technically still be on the clock — though he can already guess he's not getting any overtime for this, given OWCA's inability to manage their funding — but he still has manners.

"Just a minute!" Doofenshmirtz calls out.

Perry taps his foot impatiently.

There's a loud clamour inside, and Perry braces for the worst. To say he's surprised to see Doofenshmirtz open the door and look fairly normal is an understatement, to say the least. His lab coat has a little dark purple paint on it, but otherwise, he looks fine. No bumps and bruises from whatever that clatter was, and no embarrassing lounge clothes. Perry's not sure which one is more surprising.

"Perry the Platypus?" Doofenshmirtz says, surprised. "What are you doing back here? I haven't even done anything evil yet!"

Perry pushes past him and into his penthouse. The first thing he notices is the platypus-sized hole in the wall, which it looks like Doofenshmirtz has been boarding up. That explains the paint. He's just trying to fix the place up. Perry had always assumed he hired someone to do that. Apparently, Charlene's alimony checks only get him so far.

"Perry the Platypus?" Doofenshmirtz says warily. "Are you okay?"

Perry takes off his watch and hands it to the evil scientist. Monogram explains — via a pre-recorded message — that Perry has returned to help Doofenshmirtz get rid of the intruders.

But instead of watching, Doofenshmirtz says a surprised, "You wear a watch?"

Perry rolls his eyes and gives an annoyed chatter.

"How have I never noticed that before?" Doofenshmirtz asks. "I swear, I see you here every day, and you never have a watch on!"

Perry chatters again.

"Why did you give me your watch, anyway?" Doofenshmirtz asks. "It's not going to fit me."

"Self destruct will initiate in three... two..."

Perry jumps up and kicks the watch out of Doofenshmirtz's hand just before it explodes. This is exactly what Perry was talking about. OWCA would rather build a bunch of weird secret entrances to lairs and self destructible tools than pay their employees fairly. If Perry didn't like thwarting Doofenshmirtz so much, he probably would have quit long ago.

"I don't get it," Doofenshmirtz says. "Why would you give me a watch that was about to explode? Was that a trap? I don't...?"

Perry rolls his eyes and heads to the broken portal-changer-inator. He gestures to it, then to the spot it hit.

"You want me to fire the inator again?" Doofenshmirtz guesses. "I never thought you'd ask!"

Perry shakes his head quickly. He gestures to the inator, then makes a circle with his hand that he hopes looks like "undo it."

"You want me to spin the inator?" Doofenshmirtz guesses.

Perry shakes his head again. He points at the inator, then to the spot that the two men appeared in. Then he mimes cutting his throat with his thumb.

"You want me to kill the street with the inator?" Doofenshmirtz tries again.

Perry rolls his eyes. He looks around, then makes his way to a different busted up inator. He points to the portal-changer-inator, then to the other inator's reverse switch.

"You want me to combine the portal-changer-inator with the giant ice cream machine?" Doofenshmirtz asks.

Perry pulls the reverse switch off the ice cream machine — he's decently sure the blueprint Phineas and Ferb ordered that Doofenshmirtz accidentally used did not have a reverse switch, and yet here they are — and holds it up in front of the portal-changer-inator, where he flicks the switch to reverse again.

"You want me to put a reverse switch on the portal-changer-inator?" Doofenshmirtz says, confused.

Perry nods.

"Wouldn't the reverse of an inator that makes all portals go to Danville just make all portals go away from Danville?" Doofenshmirtz asks. "I don't know what that's going to accomplish."

Perry just stares at him for a very long few moments.

"Oh!" Doofenshmirtz exclaims. "You want it to make the portal so you can go to another dimension!"

Perry smacks his head with the palm of his hand.

"Still no?" Doofenshmirtz guesses.

Perry just shakes his head.

"Okay, okay..." Doofenshmirtz thinks about this for a minute. Very slowly, he says, "You... want me to reverse... the portal-changer-inator... because there's an outside..."

Perry sighs and sits down on the floor. This might take a while.

"Because there are people outside," Doofenshmirtz tries again, which is when it seems to occur to him, because he gets excited. "Because there are people from another dimension outside! You want me to send them back!"

Perry nods enthusiastically.

"Yeah, I can't do that."

Perry stares at him.

"I told you! The reverse switch would just send all portals away from Danville!" Doofenshmirtz says. "I'd have to build a whole new inator if I wanted to open the portal."

Perry nods. God, his life would be so much easier if he could just talk to the guy. Doofenshmirtz isn't very good at charades.

"You want me to build a new inator?" Doofenshmirtz says, shocked. "You never want me to build inators!"

Perry nods again. He'd like to think Doofenshmirtz knows that this is a one-time thing because of extenuating circumstances, but they'll cross that bridge when they come to it. He just wants these invaders gone.

"I think I already have the blueprint, too!" Doofenshmirtz says, beaming. He walks over to the door to what Perry assumes is a closet. "It's somewhere in here!"

Doofenshmirtz opens the door to reveal boxes and boxes of blueprints. Perry gapes at them, awestruck. He thought Doofenshmirtz had made a lot of inators in the past, but that's nothing compared to all the ones he's thought of making. There have to be thousands of blueprints in here.

"So, uh..." Doofenshmirtz rubs the back of his neck and gives an awkward chuckle. "How are we going to do this?"

Perry just heads to the box closest to the door and starts to dig through it. This is going to take a while.