wilted flower ─ changlix ✓

twelve

"hey binnie?"

changbin frowned as a voice carried through his dreamland, trying to pull him back to consciousness. determined to keep sleeping, he mumbled incoherently and turned around, trying to away from the sound. however, the voice remained persistent.

"binnie?"

slowly, alertness returned to him as he realized who the voice belonged to. felix had his arms wrapped around changbin, spooning him in his warm and comfortable embrace. he forced himself to open an eye, and let out a grumble as he realized that it was still pitch dark. why was felix waking him up in the middle of the night?

"binnie, are you awake? i need to talk to you-"

"hm?" changbin hummed in response, his eyes still closed. he snuggled closer to felix, feeling cozy and lazy.

"binnie, i haven't been able to sleep. because... i've been thinking..." felix whispered, close enough that changbin could feel his breath on his ear, "you have to promise me. if i fall sick..."

at that, changbin's eyes shot open, and he turned to face felix. their faces were barely inches apart, but changbin didn't care. he took felix's face in his hands and looked him in the eyes.

"lix don't. we will get through this. and we will get through this together."

his words were slightly mushed together because of his sleep muddled brain, but he tried to stare down felix, who remained unperturbed.

"but binnie..."

"i said no!" changbin sat up. felix was taken aback by changbin's sudden shout and sat up as well before shuffling backwards. "i don't care what happens. i'm not letting you go, okay felix? so you can kiss whatever sacrifice shit you cooked up goodbye!"

"fine. forget it changbin." despite the tears that were now shining against his cheeks, felix's voice did not waver. changbin's breath caught in his throat as felix looked at him coldly. "just go to sleep."

"wait lix," he said, reaching out in the dark, "i didn't mean-"

"i told you to forget it," felix said through his teeth, drying his tears and lying down with his back toward changbin. "i don't want to fight with you again like this."

changbin knew better than to disturb him again. needless to say, changbin wasn't able to sleep too much that night.

he was still tossing and turning on the cold, unkind ground when the first watery streaks of sunlight fanned through the trees. felix was snoring gently next to him, and changbin didn't wake him, knowing that he would have to face his disappointment.

instead, changbin sat with his thoughts, letting the sunlight wash over him as he looked at felix with his loving gaze. felix looked so squishy when he was asleep, and it took everything in him not to kiss his cheeks or his little nose.

he realized how much had happened the previous night, from the attack, to the injury, to the fight, to the kiss, to another fight.

yikes.

he felt as though he were just floating, numb to everything. the kiss had intensified his feelings, and he realized just how much he needed felix.

in the years to come, changbin could convince himself that he had raised his voice to stop felix from saying something difficult for both of them. that he had been protecting felix as well as himself.

but even now, they both knew he was only doing it for himself. because changbin couldn't bear to hear something that he knew would be difficult for him. he was selfish.

probably sensing his stare, felix shifted in his sleep, his eyelids fluttering open as he looked at changbin. almost immediately, he frowned and got to his feet, dusting himself off and glaring at changbin, "why didn't you wake me? didn't you say that we don't have much time to spare?"

standing up, changbin stretched his arms out to felix in a gesture of submission, "lix... about last night..."

"changbin, don't. you said what you wanted to say, and i heard it loud and clear," felix replied icily and changbin chewed on his lip nervously.

"no, lix..." he said, trying to get his words in before felix turned away, "i wanted to apologize."

he received no reply, but felix crossed his arms and remained in front of him. at least he's listening, changbin thought to himself in relief, "i'm really sorry. i didn't mean to raise my voice at you, but... i let my emotions take over me. that was exactly why i never tried to confess to you, because i knew that that would make my emotions too strong, and they would make me selfish."

"i shouted because... i'm scared. that's why i got angry before the... kiss... as well. especially now, i'm so scared of losing you, because i've never loved anyone as much as i love you. and the thought of losing the best thing to ever happen to me... well that terrifies me felix. i realize i was only thinking of myself and what i wanted. and i want to be able to listen to you and want you to feel comfortable talking to me."

he finished with a deep sigh, finally looking at felix to try and decipher his expression. to his surprise, felix stepped forward, reaching out to take changbin's hands delicately in his.

"binnie. look, i understand it terrifies you, i really do. it frightens me too. i- i don't know what we are, friends? best friends? probably not. boyfriends, maybe? but either way, i do know that we have one another, and i want to be able to trust you and for you to understand my words. i need to know that you will do what's best for both of us if, god forbid, the worst happens. we only have one another, and we can't risk not listening to one another."

changbin only nodded, blushing slightly as felix mentioned the word boyfriends. was that what they were? just two people who were a little more than friends? who were romantically involved?

when changbin looked into felix's eyes, he saw someone he could spend his life with. someone he could love and spend every waking moment making sure he was happy. a part of his heart. a soulmate.

"i want that too felix, i want you to be able to feel safe with me, both physically and emotionally. and i know that me being selfish only damages both of us, so i promise i'll try to grow as a person and listen to you."

"i love you, baby," felix said, smiling teasingly as changbin's cheeks turned almost scarlet.

before changbin could retort, felix kissed him tenderly, and changbin smiled into the kiss as he felt felix's eyelashes tickle his cheeks. felix slowly dropped his arms to changbin's waist, and changbin let out a small laugh as felix backed him up against the tree, deepening the kiss into something more than just gentle.

so they remained there for a while, doing things that weren't exactly... pure. but they got to be in their own beautiful world.

at least for a little while.

─ author's note 🌻

sorry this chapter was really bOring, but it's f u n to make them fighT heh.

also, they've been really happy lately, haven't they? :D

( hi jana and lele ily c: )

─ love from melelel !