Like You'd Know How It Works

Chapter 2

Peter was sitting on the floor, hugging his knees. The world could go and fuck right off. He was done with all that! What was winning worth anyway, if it hurt so much?

Rhodes had bent down and put a hand on his back.

"It's gonna be alright, Peter..."

Peter recoiled. He had pushed the hand off himself and Rhodes had resigned, simply sat down on a chair close to him.

His head was throbbing painfully from all the crying, from his thoughts, the memories. The image of a dying Tony Stark kept popping up in his mind. He shook his head violently whenever his thoughts would take him there. Could his mind just shut up already? With every breath he took, the tightness in his chest brought another wave of pain crashing down on him. It just wouldn't stop. The pain wouldn't stop.

He just wanted to go home, to crawl under his covers in his room and forget the world just like a child. Like the child he still was. He couldn't do this again. The way he lost all control over himself, it was pathetic. He hated himself for caring so much. When did he even get this attached? How did he let that happen? He should have known better. He should have stopped himself. All of this was just too much.

He was still curled in on himself, head resting on his arms, when he heard the door. Oh fuck, they were back. A new wave of anxiety came crashing down on him. He didn't need their judgment on top of everything. Rogers, Strange, Banner. All of them. Mr. Stark's so-called teammates. They could all go to hell. His whole body trembled when soft, warm, very un-soldier-like hands came to rest on his head and back. He jerked momentarily but those hands... Those hands he knew.

"Oh, Peter... oh god..."

He couldn't bring himself to loosen the protective hold he had on his own body but he did lean into May as her arms pulled him close. She slowly rubbed his back, her other hand running through his messy hair, easing the painful throbbing in his skull. The way she held him, firmly and securely wrapped in her arms... This wasn't her first time. They'd been here before. They'd been right here plenty of times. How could he have been so careless with himself? After everything how could he have carried his heart this openly, making himself this vulnerable? Again.

She held him for a while, told him how much she loved him, how much she had missed him, how scared she had been for him.

How sorry she was.

But what was the point? He needed to leave. He needed to get away from them. All of them.

"I wanna go home."

His voice was raspy and thick. He was trying to dry his face on his sleeve, but couldn't. The suit. He was still in his suit. The Iron-Spider suit. The realization physically shook him so strongly that May jerked back, let go of him. He... he needed to get out of this suit. Instinctively he pressed his hand against the spider symbol on his chest. As the nanites retraced into two housing units still securely fastened on his inner forearm, he couldn't help but sob deeply. He was still wearing his regular suit underneath the Iron-Spider. He jumped up, ripped the housing units off himself and threw them on the table. Home. He wanted to go home. He needed to go, right now.

"Peter, honey... You need to see a doctor first, alright? Just... just to be sure that you're alright."

He didn't look at her, eyes only scanning the hallway outside. It was completely deserted. But who knew for how long. He needed to go. Right this instant.

"I'm not alright. I don't need a doctor to figure that out. I want to go home."

"Peter, please. For me. Please, I just want to know that—"