September 12, 2018
You are my kind of anxiety.
Everyday it makes me want to dive in more yet hurts me deep inside.
I have been wanting to lose you but I fail to do so.
My drunken heart keeps wanting more and more and I forget the bruises, scars and wounds you have given me.
Yes, I have fallen to your dark twisted hole of whatever this is, love?
All I know is you give me anxiety.
Everday, I have you in my mind, toxic...
Controls my every action.
We race to the steering wheel of my mind but you won.
I lose, I always do.
I don't know why you are my kind of anxiety.
Maybe because thinking of you can be compared to cutting,
Striking a cutter to a pulse is damaging yet so satisfying.
No, no.
I think you are innocent.
You are not guilty of intentionally poisoning my mind.
I am?
Because my eyes see smiles and laughter, but my mind sees your happiness with another girl.
My eyes see sadness, yet my mind sees anger and doubt in our relationship.
My eyes see worry, but my mind sees pity and only pity, to me.
My sight and my mind contradicts and it frustrates me.
I wonder if you came sooner before the poison in my mind, would I not be this way?
Would we still hide from people whom we trust and love?
Would we be happier?
Or are you the cause of this poison to begin with?
My mind says you are ashamed with us, my eyes confirms it.
This is when they agree.
But somehow deep inside, not the eyes nor the mind, wants to disagree.
Begs to disagree.
I have anxiety.
I don't even know what triggered it,
But you unknowingly made it worse.
I no longer care what my eyes nor my mind wants,
Because they make me believe that you are innocent.
But somewhere deep inside me, a sound that murmurs out...
"You made my anxiety."
《ArwenSwritt
YOU ARE READING
A Sort of Diary
شِعرThis is a "diary" of emotions (some personal & some random thoughts I written), not a diary filled with pointless routines within a day. And I would like to share this with all of you because another path to self healing is through acceptance and be...
