Past haunting

Chapter 21

"3 months ago that's when I left Randy and got with Dean." I said refusing to look at either of them

"So it could be either of our kid." Randy said

"Can we not tell anyone about this? At least until things are more clear about the situation."  I told them and they agreed as well.

"I have to go back to work but I'll be back when my shift is done. Keep resting." Randy said before leaving.

I can tell he was happy theres a 50% chance the baby is his. As much as I despise him for what he did seeing the way he was with the twins I know he would be a good father.  Dean on the other hand seemed out of it ever since the doctor said something about a baby.

"Are you okay? I know it's big news and we just got back together." I asked him

"Yeah just shocked that's all. It's bringing back a lot of bad memories.I just don't want to mess up or put you in danger again.I'm going to do everything right this time." Dean said and I just smiled returning to resting.

As I was resting I felt Dean starting to message my hand. His hand were warm and he brought my hand up to his mouth to kiss it on both sides. It's times like this I love being with him. It takes me back to where things are simple. I know we're getting closer again and I'm glad we are because he's the one for one. I'm able to move past the past cause I know all the times that he abused me in every way it wasn't really him. I know him, the real him.

The next couple of days Dean took me home and spend each day with me returning to his house at night he kept asking questions the pregnancy. He's nervous I can tell he regrets leaving me when I was first pregnant. He tells me that all the time. He's been planning to set Kevin being the leader. He said he's going to do it soon after the kids birthday not wanting to mess anything up.

Currently it is 10 at night Dean left 2 hours ago after we put the twins to sleep. I worry about Dean going back to that house. There's so many negative things that can happen to him being over there I just hated it. As I was doing my thinking the room started spinning. I thought it would go away if I rested my eyes in bed but instead every time I opened them I still saw the room spinning. When I stood up I was weak which meant that my blood sugar pleasure was either too low or too high.

I was about to call Dean but he just got home and I didn't want to bother him. So I decided to call Randy only because he was a fellow nurse and he could help me out. So I called him and he said he was on his way with snacks and a medical blood pressure machine.

Dean POV

I walked back and forth in my room. This night was different from the rest. My heart ache I was stressed the only thing my heart desired right now was alcohol. Planning the attack on Kevin and with Randy still in our life's put a lot of pressure on me.

The desire for it tonight was stronger than ever. Easily I can go downstairs to find a bunch of drugs and alcohol.

I knew I was stronger now I kept thinking of my family but the desire grew faster and strong. The taste of alcohol is all my mouth wanted. If I were to relapse it could jeopardize everything I worked so hard for. My family has so much faith in me and I can't even imagine what Seth would do if I did drink again. Definitely break up with me and stop me from the kids he would probably get a restraining order to keep me away from them. None of those things is something I want so I need to resist the urge to drinking.

The more I walked back and front and thought about doing all the things bad for me. I realized what I have to do... Call my sponsor. I called his number fast and he was telling me to do deep breathing, make a mental note of why I quite in the first place and remember how far I came and continued to come go far. My sponsor also said to get out of the house immediately and go somewhere where I feel safe out of sight of drugs and alcohol.

The only place I felt safe was in Seth's arms. I left the house as quickly as possible to my car. Before I even started my car I broke down crying on my car. I feel as if I'm never going to win. This constant battle of pain and stress consumed me. I needed to be where I vaulted most and thats with my boys.

As I started to pull in the driveway I noticed a familiar car... It was Randy's. My heart started to hurt more when I looked inside the window next to the door to see a shared kiss between Randy and Seth.

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Poor Dean I can only imagine what that feels like. I'm happy for him staying strong... for now maybe🤷‍♀️ maybe the kiss he saw is gonna push him on edge to drink..
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