We Are Shinobi (Naruto Fanfic)

20: Going Forward

The days out of ANBU go fast. Kakashi and I train almost every day. On off days, which are few, I spend my time lying in the grass and looking at the clouds. 

They float by without a care and I think about my life. All my life, I've been so caught up with fear and constantly running from it that I've missed the whole point of living. 

From this point forward, I have decided to focus on those around me. I can train and become the strongest shinobi in the world and something in my life will still be missing--friendship. I've realized that my purpose going forward should be to protect my friends above all else. 

If love and friendship disappeared, the world would be void and meaningless. It's the glue that holds everything together. 

I feel a new feeling in my chest when I talk to people. Kurenai, for example. She still thinks I'm her cousin, which I guess is okay. I've always wanted a cousin. We laugh and talk about dumb things and every time I look at her, I feel a certain happiness inside. One I've never really experienced in my life before.

Gai. He's annoying as hell but it just isn't the same when he's not around. His energy and, as he would say, 'YOUTHHHH', is strangely contagious. I find myself pumping my fist in the air with him and that same warm feeling in my chest lights up when everyone rolls their eyes at us. 

Asuma. It's easy to have long chats with him. He smokes, which makes me gag sometimes, but the smell of cigarettes has started to become familiar and comforting because it reminds me of him and his old man. His old man is the whole reason I am where I am today, and for that I am eternally grateful.

I even become friends with the boy named Hayate, who I met through Yugao. Yugao claims they're just friends but I don't believe her. You don't kiss your friends under the night sky. Yeah, I caught them once on one of my night walks. Yugao didn't speak to me for almost a week because she was so embarrassed. Now, it's just an inside joke between her and I. There goes the warm feeling in my chest again.

Tenzo is a good guy. We tend to hang out when we're on missions together in the ANBU. At nights, I put my sleeping bag beside his and often opt to sit beside him when we're having meals or taking a break. His kindness makes my chest flutter.

Then there's Kakashi. We have a long history, Kakashi and I. He taught me how to move on, despite my past. He showed me what it means to go through shit and come out on the other side. He's someone I look up to, someone truly and remarkably strong; not only physically, but emotionally and mentally. If he can get through it, so can I. Our stories line up more than I had realized. 

On the painful days, he's there to comfort me. He reminds me to get up and keep going forward, even when it hurts. He reminds me what is truly important: to focus on your friends. Keep them close at all times, he says. Never let them get hurt. Dedicate your life to them, as if they are your family.

Because they are your family. Friends are extensions of yourself and affect almost every aspect of your life. So when you find a good one, hold on to them and don't let them go. They are the glue holding the pieces of your life together.

* * *

"I am dismissing you from the ANBU, Mitsuki."

The words strike me. Hiruzen stands above me and I place my porcelain mask into his hand while maintaining a bow.

"You have been a valuable ANBU of the Hidden Leaf Village and I would like you to pass your knowledge on to the next generation."

I look up slowly, meeting his eyes. When I raise my eyebrows in question, he nods.

"You have come a long way since we first met, Mitsuki. You have proven yourself beyond a doubt and shown that you possess the Will of Fire. So, I'm reassigning you as a Jonin sensei of the Hidden Leaf Village."

I don't have words. Me, a sensei? It barely seems real. Am I good enough to take on a role as important as passing knowledge to the next generation of shinobi? I know I am strong. I am confident in my ability to execute missions successfully. But can I pass on what it means to be a shinobi to children?

What if I mess it up and send them on the wrong path? I haven't exactly been on the right path my entire life.

The Third Hokage continues after asking me to rise. I stand to my feet and listen to his words intently.

"You have served nearly 10 years in the ANBU. I've watched you grow and become a part of this family of shinobi. I know you will bring those genin up with great confidence and wisdom."

"Thank you, sir," I mutter, still not sure how to feel about this. I'm happy, of course, for new opportunities. But my life has been so stable the past ten years. Predictable, that's the word. I don't know what to expect in the coming years.

Someone appears at my side in a puff of smoke. It startles me greatly and I jump a few feet away, letting out a yelp. When the smoke fades, I'm shocked to see a silver-haired, masked ninja wearing a green jonin vest and Hidden Leaf forehead protector.

"Kakashi?" I exclaim.

"Yo," he says, giving me a two finger wave. "Guess we're both getting a career change."

I barely recognize him in the green vest. If not for his voluminous hair, he'd look like a completely different person. The green vest makes him look older, too. I guess we're both getting pretty old. We're nearly 32, after all. It's strange to think we've known each other for half our lives.

I met that silver-haired boy when he was 16. It's crazy how fast time goes.

"Yeah," I say, "Finally hopping on the bandwagon and joining Gai, Asuma, and Kurenai as senseis."

I give a closed eye smile and look back to Lord Third. I see the pride in his old, wrinkling eyes. There it is, that familiar warm feeling in my chest.

* * *

After so many years, I've finally figured out what it means to be a shinobi. It means endurance. 

There is so much turmoil in this world, and it won't ever stop. There will always be hatred and fear and wars, we may never see the end of it. Through it all, people try and find meaning in things. They search for their purpose. Some search forever and never seem to find it because they're searching for a peace that cannot ever exist in this dark world.

But ultimately, everyone finds meaning among the chaos that is life. That meaning comes from friendship, family, spirituality, some sort of object, achievements, you name it. Some people find meaning in darker things like revenge, anger, death. But people cling to those things and decide they're worth protecting, and that's what it means to endure.

To be a shinobi is to walk head on into this continuously turning world of love and hatred, life and death, color and void, and never give up. Endurance. 

Cling to the things you decide are worth protecting and fight for them. Never let them slip away. Always endure.

That is what it means to be a shinobi.

That is what it means to live and to die.