Dark Paradise [Z. Malik // fanfic]

17. Help me

Louis' POV 

It was November 30th.

A day after Eleanor's death anniversary.

Yesterday it was impossible for me to get myself together and come to her grave. I placed the boucket of white roses in the ground next to a similar one.

Zayn.

Of course he came. And of course he brought her her favourite flowers.

I sighed out loud and sat down, not minding the dirt.

"Hello, El." I smiled sadly as i spoke outloud. "I know you can hear me, maybe. I talk to you almost every single day. I hope you're listening to me." I took a long paused and i breathed deeply to stop myself from tearing up.

"Sorry i couldn't come yesterday. It was just so hard for me. You know, for the last two years you never left my heart and my mind. I keep all the good memories we had in here." I smiled and pointed at my heart. "But then again this night is playing in my head over and over again. That night, you didn't only set yourself free, you took my heart with you. You took everything with you. Cause you were my everything. And you'll always be. No matter how many years will pass, you're always going to be my one and only. I loved you. I loved you more than anyone. But you chose to be with someone else in the end. Someone who was your disaster. But you couldn't see it." I shook my head and wiped a single tear that was formed in the corner of my eye. 

"Why? Just why, Eleanor? Why did you have to do this to yourself? Why you had to walk away like that? I could've helped you. I could've saved you. I wish i was the who would take that bullet that night. I wish you had aimed straight into my heart and press the trigger. Why you didn't shoot me instead, baby? I'm not worth living! For fuck sake, i'm such a selfish prick. I wish i was the one who was dead by now. But i'm not..." At this point i couldn't control my emotions. 

My eyes were tingling and the lump in my throat wouldn't go away. I wiped my tearstained cheeks with my sleeve and sniffed. 

'I'm such a baby, right?" I chuckled to myself. 

"I'm sorry, Eleanor. I'm sorry for meeting you that day. I'm sorry for falling in love with you. I'm sorry i  dragged you into my fucked up life. I'm sorry for not being good enough for you. I'm sorry for everything." I whispered. 

"I'm sorry that i'm going to hurt him, Eleanor. I know you loved him. As much as it hurts me to admit it. But i can't. I need to stop the pain i feel inside me somehow. I'm sorry for what i'm going to do, my princess. I'm sorry." I mumbled the last part and got up. 

I wiped the dirt off my jeans and i walked away, my head hanging low. 

Only one thought was on my mind now. 

Her. 

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Reina's POV 

"You like it?" The ginger haired girl asked me. 

"Yes. Thank you." I smiled politely and ran a hand throught my now short, blond hair. 

I paied the girl for her services and i left the hair salon. 

I zipped my jacket and i put my shades on. I kept my head low as i passed throught the busy streets of London. 

Yes, i was still in London. After Harry helped me 'escape' from Zayn's place i found myself in a small motel downtown. I threw my phone away and just like that i dissapeared. But i'm sure that Louis and Zayn are going to search for me soon, so i have to be out of here.