Love in the Time of Vanity Fair

Chapter 15: Psychology Today

AU: Plug in headphones and hit the media for the feels

...

FEAR

A four-letter word that grapples us in the course of our entire life. Throughout human history, fear has been a beacon of survival. It keeps us alert and vigilant against the threats that come against us. But it can also cripple us and keep us from reaching for the greater things in life.

Fear is a strong motivator. It may cloud our better judgment and prompt us to set into motion things that we do not mean.

Fear cannot be eliminated.

But if there is one thing that I have learned through this entire ordeal, it is that courage is not the absence of fear, it is making peace with it.

It's alright to be scared but we must move forward and not let it dictate our lives. We must find the courage to move forward and cross the lines we used to fear because maybe... just maybe, the view from the other side is worth the risk.

And he is.

Always.

...

I was startled from my thoughts when I heard a frantic knocking.

I glanced at the clock and realized the time.

Who could possibly be knocking at my door at 11 in the evening?

I grunted as I forced myself to the door only for my chest to ache at the sight that met me. I felt confused but at the same time, I felt a traitorous tinge of hope well up inside me. There he was, panting like he just took a run, with a light of recognition in his eyes, smiling nevertheless.

"Ian?" I wondered what he could possibly be here for.

I felt my breath hitch and my eyes water with what he said next

"I remember"

Two words.

It only took two words to set my soul on fire

He took a tentative step towards me but I pulled him in, closing the distance between us in a fiery exchange of kisses. I was crying, again, only this time out of pure unadulterated joy. In the synchronization of our movements, between breathlessness and gasps, I found myself tucked safely within his arms.

For the first time in two years, I was home.

I woke up to the feel of Ian trailing his fingers on my back like he always used to. I felt exhausted with the barrage of emotional onslaught that made themselves known yesterday. At the same time, as we laid together on the couch in front of the flickering fire, basking in each other's warmth in the midst of a cold Swiss night, I felt happy.

I could live in this moment where I could pretend that everything is finally okay like it was just him and me again. Tomorrow can worry for itself. For now, I will revel in his embrace. I turned to my side facing him and saw him propped on his shoulder.

"Hi" his hoarse voice filled the room

My hand traveled the plane of his face

"How long have you been awake?" I whispered which he shrugged at. His hand found its way on my side and pulled me closer to him causing me to smile as I nuzzled my face on his chest. Some things just never change. But then a lot did so a bout of insecurity reared its way to my head.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked shyly and he hummed in response

I took a deep breath, "How many ladies have you been with after we separated?" I asked while averting my eyes, I did not dare to stare at him so I attempted to bury my face in the crook of his neck but he had other ideas. He gently lifted my chin and stared at me with conviction.