Lost in the action

Life behind me

I wasn't scared. I wasn't ready to. I've never had anything put in me. That sounds funny but it's just a honest statement. I looked out the window holding matts hand. I looked over at him and he had a worried but also happy face on he smiled at me. We was going down the road as he pulled over into a quiet dark place on the side of the road. He let go of my hand and I looked up at him with a.. Are we really gonna do it here face..? He unbuckled and turned towards me and smiled and grabbed my hands and said.
"I'm not wanting to force you.. You don't have to do this.. But payton if I have to lose my virginity to anyone I want it to be you. Your more than a girlfriend to me your my whole wide world and losing you would be like losing my self. I want this and your not the only one scared babe.. So be honest."
I replied back with..
"Matt I love you and yes I'm scared but if I didn't have only a few months to live with terminal cancer then I wouldn't be doing this.. And I'm pretty sure you wouldn't either. And I'm gonna be honest if I never had cancer I probably wouldn't be with you here in this position because I would have never blacked out... nothing would have ever happened me in the hospital our eye to eye connection. Nothing and I want you to know I'm ready."
I squeezed his hand hard as a tear fell from my eye. he looked up and smiled at me and told me that I was his everything.

We went on our way and drove to our hotel. to be honest I wanted to change my mind. but everything I just said hit Matt hard and I'm not gonna back out now like some little wimp I was.

We pulled in and I went to my room and told mom we was gonna have a movie night. She agreed and said to be back tomorrow morning or tonight If possible. I grabbed my lucky teddy bear I got from Matt the day I passed out and was rushed to the hospital it's been with me ever since and gave me him and luck. I remember the day he brought it in and made me lit up like a Christmas tree. He gave me that bear and it's been with me ever since.
I walked out the door said goodbye to my mom. I felt like I was leaving something behind and I thought to myself and realized I was... It was my virginity. I quietly laughed to myself realizing I was about to do the most stupidest thing in the whole world but it was worth it.
I got up to his room and walked in he told me to sit down and we was just gonna watch some movies together first before anything because it was just to awkward.
We watched how the grinch stole Christmas. Since it was getting close to Christmas. Time sure has gone by fast. I've been with Matt for almost 4 months. I really did love him.
I almost passed out as I looked up at Matt he looked down at me and picked me up and took me to his bed. He turned the tv off and came back in and flew on the bed got on top of me and put my forehead to his I was looking up at him and he said "so you wanna know what I love about you payton?"
I said "what Matt?"
"I love how your hair parts to one side and I love how your eyes twinkle in the night and I love how everything you do always ends up as a cute little laugh that you have at the end of it. you mean a lot but the one thing that means a lot to me that I like about you. You will just have to find out because your sure to find it.
I pushed him over and told him to tell me and he laughed and pushed me over and said no and winked. He began to pull my clothes off and I did to him as well. It got more intense and more than into a huge makeout session which led into more and harder makeout sessions which led to of course sex. I was scared but not one thing crossed my mind but I love him. We constantly told each other that while it was going on. But that's what true love birds do. I guess I mean I'm only 16. He's 17 what do we know. We got done at around 3 am. We laid in each other's arms naked and sweaty but he had me in his arms. And nothing could make me happier.
Then everything went black my head it hurt I tried to grab matts hand but it was blurry now all I saw was matts figure then I saw him with a phone then I saw him screaming "PAYTON BABY COME ON!!" He was crying. Then I saw the ambulance people all I could hear was my heart beat racing beating fast the noise was so loud. It sounded like a drum being played in a Christmas band parade. I needed out of hear. I let go of everything and relaxed everything went black again. Nothing to be heard and now my thoughts were gone nothing just blank.

MATTS POV:
We did it. We finally beat what we wanted to accomplish. As we lay in bed sweaty and in each other's arms. I looked at payton and told her I loved her so much. She replied back with I love you more. We laid their talking and then she rolled over I thought she was playing around but no. She rolled over and fell on the floor face first I got down immediately put my boxers on and rolled her over telling her to wake up pushing her then I picked her up she lifted her hand up and held my face and said Matt help me with a screeching voice then her hand dropped lifeless I called 911 and I held her hand the whole way in the ambulance we got to the emergency and Payton's mom was standing outside the emergency doors she ran up to me screaming "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??" She fell on me and cried I just held her. Telling her she's fine.

The doctor came out and said we could go in with her she's still unconscious but when they find the results they will tell us ASAP. I walked in the cold room and their she lay. My princess. Cold pale and lifeless. She looked so skinny. The only thoughts that was going through my mine was is this my fault? Will she die because of me? I grabbed her hand and her mother grabbed her other and asked me what we was doing before she passed out. I said anything a teenage teen star boy would probably have said. We was watching a movie. Her mom looked scared then we heard an knock I gently squeezed Payton's hand harder and he came in and told us with a scared look on his face her cancer is getting worse. And her oxygen tank is lowing down she didn't take any of her meds and she looks like she had ran a marathon. I was scared all I could think about was did I cause it.
I looked up at the doctor and asked to have a word with him outside the door. He nodded and shut the door to the whimpers of Payton's mom crying. I asked him very calmly.
"Doctor.. Could... Well could sex cause her unconscious?" I said with a worried look.
He looked at me and said "Mr?" "Espinosa" I said "Mr.Espinosa.. Sex only would hurt her breathing only a little doesn't hurt it what so ever. But if she did it every day 24/7 it could cause heart problems from the breathing and pain. Has she done that?"
"No sir' just tonight we wanted to try it she thought since she's terminal why not? I told her we didn't have to I'm not pressuring her doc. But don't tell her mom or mine I don't wanna lose her.
"Of course not. Only if it was the cause I would have to but it's not. Her cancer is just getting worse and theirs nothing we can do. I'm sorry." He told me with a face like everything was gonna stop right their.
I nodded my head and told him thank you. I walked back in the room and held onto Payton's hand like never before. I told her I loved her and her mom looked at me and held my hand and she said I know you do. You made her happy. I laid my head on payton and rested.