Torn

Polaroid

Come on Kie." My mom's soft, soothing voice says "Let's go home honey." I shake my head slightly, and squeeze Pope tighter.

I let out another sob, and Pope wraps his arms tighter around me, and JJ holds my hand tighter.

We're all in a weird sort of group hug, my head in Pope's shoulder while JJ's hugging both of us, holding one of my hands.

I let go of Pope and turn towards JJ, and he embraces me in his arms as I hug/collapse into him. I sob into his chest and I grab Pope's arm and we are, once again, I another weird, yet comforting group hug.

"They're..not...gone." I cry in between sobs. This isn't true. This can't be happening.

"I know." JJ mumbles, and I'm surprised he heard me over the deafening noise of the rain beating on the makeshift tent were standing in.

I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. John B and Sarah can't be gone. They just can't. I press my face into his chest and my tears stain his faded, ripped, and bloodied gray t-shirt.

"Shoupe, Deputy Shoupe, come in, Deputy come in please." Shoupe's radio repeats, the audio static and barely understandable.

He reaches down and unclips the radio from his hip, bringing it up to his mouth. "I hear ya." He says into it.

"We have sighting of a boat near shore." The radio states.

I lift my head up and look at Shoupe, and feel JJ and pope do the same. Hope fills my heart. They could still be alive! I feel JJ hug me tighter, and Pope takes a sharp breath.

We wait a few seconds, and I glance up at JJ and see hope fill his bloodshot eyes, and I look at Pope and he gives me a slight smile.

It feels like for ever before the radio beeps and a static male voice is heard.

"Shoupe, come in."

"Deputy Shoupe here." He says, and he smiles the slightest bit

"We have confirmation," the static voice reports, "and the boat is not the one the suspect used to escape."

His face falls, and I turn back into JJ and let out another loud sob. I cry until I feel I have no tears left to cry. We've probably been standing there like that and hour. Our own little protective bubble, where we can be shielded from reality, and from the all the pain, and suffering. Were we can just be back to being best friends without a care in the world.

Eventually, Pope pulls away, and I let go of his arm and slightly back away from JJ. The wind is howling and the rain is still pounding and I realize we're all drenched from the rain. I start to shiver. I cross my arms across my chest and slightly lean into JJ's side.

Shoupe drags his hand down his face and sighs.

"Y'all go on home, and I'll call you if we hear anything more about John B or Sarah."

My mom steps up and pulls me into an embrace and I bury my face into her long brown hair.

"Come on honey. Let's go home." I start to argue, but realize there's no use. "JJ, do you want to stay with us? Just for tonight?" I blurt out.

I glance at my mom and see the shocked expression on her face.

"He has no place to go to Mom!" I tell her. She looks from me to JJ and back again and sighs.

"JJ dear, do you want to spend the night at our house?"she asks.

He gives her a small smile.

"Thank you Mrs. C, but I think I want to stay at the Château tonight."

"Are you sure?" She asks again, and he nods. "We can drive you." She adds. He glances at me and I give him a small smile. He has white strips down his face where his tears washed away the blood and dirt on his face.

"I'd appreciate that." He says.

I beckon for him to follow us to our car, and Pope follows too. "I want to stay there too." He whispers to me and I nod.

He calls over his shoulder and tells his dad where he's going and climbs into the backseat with us and I'm stuck in the middle between them both. The ten minute drive is spent in silence, and I hold Pope's hand and rest my head on JJ's shoulder.

We pull up to the Château and drop them off. I watch their silhouettes climb up onto the porch and disappear into the house that I've spent most of my summer near. The house that belongs to John B. The thought of him and Sarah dead feels like my heart's been pierced.

We silently drive back to our house, and I walk up the stairs to my room. I fall onto my four poster bed and then realize I'm still dressed in my soaking wet clothes.

I get up and change into a soft hoodie and some yoga pants. I go into my bathroom and take a long shower. Once again, I cry. I turn the water on hotter and wait for it to ease the tension in my shoulders, which I doesn't. I scrub myself with my vanilla coconut scented body wash and cry harder because Sarah bought it for my on my birthday.

I climb out and wrap a fluffy towel around myself and wrap my hair in another towel. I brush my teeth and look in the mirror at my bloodshot eyes. turn to leave when three pictures capture my attention. All my life I've taken Polaroid pictures, and I stick them to the frame of my mirror.

I find one of John B, Pope, JJ, and I all leaning against the back wall of The Wreck, the restaurant that my parents own.

John B and I have our arms crossed across our chest while JJ had his hands in his pockets and his head leaning back against the wall. Pope has both his hands in front of him and he looks uncomfortable. He hates having his picture taken. 

Then there's one of Sarah and I back in ninth grade, on the day we went to save the baby Sea turtles. I have my hand behind my ear, probably pushing my hair behind it, and Sarah is holding a baby turtle in her hand and is pretending to kiss it.

The last one is a picture of all of us. JJ, Pope, John B, Sarah, and I. I took it last week. We were sitting on The Pogue, our boat, John B has one arm draped across Sarah's shoulder while his other elbow is resting on my shoulder. JJ and Pope are pretending to strangle each other in the background. I can't help but laugh.

I pick my phone up, and put them in the back of my see-through case. I need them right now. I smile and pick up my journal and rip a piece of paper out. I write a quick note to my parents, and then tuck my phone into my pocket, slip my converse on, and crawl out my window.

I grab my keys out of the center console of my car and turn it on. I pull out of the driveway and five minutes later I pull into a different drive way.

I pull the keys out of the ignition and get out of my car, run up onto the porch, and open the screen door and go inside. I walk through the door with the tiny sign The Château on it that we made last year and shut it behind me. I stumble over a item of clothing on the floor and pick it up. It's someone's hoodie.

My hoodie is drenched from the run from my car to the porch so I peel my own hoodie off and then pull the other one on. I walk over to the couch, which is also a pull out bed, where both JJ and Pope are sleeping. I smile to myself before sitting down on the edge of the bed and crawling in between them. I lie in between my two best friends, the two people that are keeping me stable right now, and in that moment, I feel like everything will be ok. I then drift off to sleep.