you're beautiful here

t w e l v e

Chapter 12

Felix was behind the counter, eyebrows furrowed, when Alice walked in for her morning visit. She had been coming in progressively earlier every day and Felix liked to hope that it was to spend more time with him. Deep down, he knew it was, but he still wouldn't let himself believe it wholeheartedly.

"Why, hello, buddy," she loudly stated as she made her way up to the counter. There weren't many people in the store, which was both good and bad for Felix.

His brows remained furrowed but softened a little. "I don't like that one." Alice had been trying to come up with a nickname for him for a few days to no avail. "What's up snookems?" he tried.

Her face scrunched up as she laughed. "That's awful, Felix." She shook her head at him as she leaned over the counter for a kiss. That was the best part of Felix's mornings. She pulled away. "What's up with the sour face, though?" Felix normally didn't have a happy look on his face before Alice would come in, but he normally didn't look so bothered.

He attempted to shift the mood, "What do you want to drink today?"

She let out a little huff and peered up to the menu even though she knew exactly what was on it. She looked like she still wanted to discuss, but she understood he didn't want to bother her with it. He hoped she did, at least.

Once she'd ordered and paid, he turned to make her drink. "So," she started, "how has that final piece been going?" She knew he was having troubles writing for it and made a point to ask him every week or so.

He sighed. "Same old thing." He could write some random things, but the main piece still hung over his head. It was already nearing spring, and he needed to have this in by the end of the semester in just two months. "I just," he turned to her with her drink and gestured for her to follow him to their booth, "I know I can write a story. I know I can. I'm just really stuck on the subject. I don't have anything to write about."

As she slid into the booth she pointed out, "But you have so much to write about." She furrowed her eyebrows. "I," she paused, "I know it's a sensitive topic, but if you wrote about your life, you could give the realness you said you needed."

He looked at her. Truthfully, he had been jotting down an idea related to that thanks to Dr. Smith. He didn't want that, though. "I can't write about me. That's, like, cheating," he stated. He hated even talking about himself, how would he write a whole story about himself? He'd struggled through the few pages he already had.

"What? No, it's not. All of Rainbow Rowell's books take place where she lives. Mark Twain said, 'write what you know.' What would you know better than your own life? And it's not like you've had exactly the most ordinary life." When she finished, he could see her worry if she might have overstepped. It took him a while to get used to this addition to her personality—her worrying about what she says to him. It'd changed ever since the snowstorm.

"I hate writing beginnings," he blankly stated. "Beginnings are so boring. And worrisome. Like what if I put all this work into the beginning of the story, then I get to where I wanted to write, and I've set it up all wrong?" He'd written the ending—the only part he could bring himself to. He didn't want what he had. He wanted something happy and meaningful and outside of his own bubble.

"Then write the middle first, then go back."

He could never get over how she just said things as if they were as easy as speaking. He wasn't too good at that, either. He liked to write in chronological order. "But I could lose the tone if I do that." He was trying to find any reason for her to be wrong. "I could hit a wall when I try to go back. Or I could find myself rushing through it, just trying to finish because I've procrastinated it to the last moment." He was nervously wringing his hands together.

She reached over and put her hands over his. "So, you'd rather procrastinate the whole thing instead of just the beginning? Felix, I'm not trying to annoy you, I just think you may want to think about changing up what you've been doing if you want to finish this project. This could change everything for you." She spoke softly, but confidently. He could feel himself calming down.

He sighed and rubbed his face. She was right. She was always right. He had so many things going on, he didn't know how he was supposed to do the right thing.

She got up and moved to sit next to him instead of across. She put her arms around him as he leaned into the crook of her neck. "I know you have so much going on with Mugz and school and your sister. You didn't ask for all these responsibilities, but you handle them well. I know you'll do great, whatever you write. It's all great."

He leaned away from her slightly to look at her face. "Really, my ego has never been bigger." He paused for a moment. "We should go on a real date."

Alice's eyes widened at his statement. He'd finally caught her off guard. He'd been stressing about asking her all day. He found a smile sneaking its way on his face at this. He's been trying to be as spontaneous and bold as she was, and he finally succeeded.

"Are you trying to say none of these have been real dates?" Her smirk returned. It had been many months since they'd met. They called each other their boyfriend or girlfriend and pretended they didn't feel strange with the words.

He huffed and put on a playful frown. "Y'know what I mean." He loved being with her every day, but it wasn't like it should be. They were both always being pulled to their responsibilities. "I want to be with you," he reached over and grabbed one of her hands. "Like, without any distractions." He glanced over to Claire taking a woman's order. "Out in the," he faux gasped, "land of the living."

Alice grinned at him. "Of course I want that, too. Honestly, it's been too long since I've had a real day off. Working doesn't really feel like working, but I could let Beth run the shop alone for a day." He knew that she was at the tattoo shop nearly every day. He also knew it was taking a toll. They both were always so tired.

He took a deep breath. "Alice, will you go on a date with me Sunday night?"

Her grin widened. "Ofcourse."