Define 'alive'

Chapter one

(A/n:please read prologue it has only a few sentences and it has a bit of the story.)

(3 hours later)
After three tequilas,two vodkas and one scotch later ,I finally got the human drunk enough to come with me to my apartment .

'wait! I'm not ugly or anything it's just that this human was very wary....hmm weird.' 'I am very pretty,scratch that extremely gorgeous '

'I have long light brown hair with
natural blond highlights that reach my waist.My height is 5'6 and I have long tanned legs that a female human would probably sell her soul for,green eyes that at the edge of them are gold.

'Humans usually left with me after one drink,or no drinks.'
'Hmm '
'But he'll be a good bodyguard if he's wary'

He was blabbering the whole way to my apartment and I was ready to either duck tape his mouth and nose ,hands and legs and throw him over the side of a bridge to finally use the quote 'sleeping with the fishes '
Or being the patient and caring soul I'am ,carefully rip all his limbs off ,while still alive, then pour kerosene all over him walk away and then light a match from a safe distance then throw match on him and watch as burns into ashes.

I smiled at this and continued thinking of different ways to kill this blabber mouth.

Luck for him my apartment isn't very far from the bar otherwise if I spent another ten minutes with his nonstop talking,nI would have acted on one of my killing fantasies.

As I walked the drunken human to my apartment I had to hold him up because he was so clumsy he kept tripping over his own two feet.

As we neared my apartment door I saw his cheeks puff out like a fish so with my vampire speed I ran him to my arch enemy's apartment door and happily watch as he spewed all over her door mat and some of it ran underneath the door and spilled onto cream coloured carpet.

Again using my speed I grabbed the human and rushed to my door, unlocking it then throwing the human In the closet by the front door ,I ran out the front door again knocked on her door and ran back to my apartment closed the door then sat with my back to the door.

Then waited for the shit to hit the fan,
Wait let me rephrase that
'the spew to hit the fan'

As I (super hearing I'm a vampire, what do you expect?rhetorical question )listen in to what happens next I picture in my head.

I hear Brianna walk towards front door ,
"Ewwww!!!!" I hear
I chuckle to myself
WHAT IS THAT!?!"
"My carpet is RUINED"
Then I hear her footsteps as she moves away from the vomit and steps to side of the door and opens to find her doormat ruined as well.
"OH MY GOD" I hear her scream

Then start to scream words that would probably make truckers blush.

Then as i rolled around on the floor laughing my head off ,my bestie who I shared the apartment with walked out of her bedroom.

She looked at me confused and asked why was laughing like a looney I started to answer when she raised her hand, in a 'stop right there 'gesture.
"No thanks actually, I don't want to know".
So I changed the subject,
"What are you doing?"I said
"Just taking a shower " jess said
"Okay"

Then before I could stop her, she opened the closet by the door and the human man fell out,sometime in between me throwing him in there and Jess opening the closet door, he had passed out.

"WHY IS A HUMAN PASSED OUT IN THE CLOSET?!?!"
'(Forgot to say ,jess Is a fairy.)

'Oh crap' I thought

😃😃😄😃😄😃😄😃😄😜😝😜.
😜😝😜😝😜😝😜😝😜😝😜😝
Ps this isn't a fanfic
Also brad Pitt was the only celebrity I could think of right now and will only be in the next chapter and fe that chapter onwards he won't be in the book anymore :)

A/N:please comment and vote if you like the story so far, sorry nothing really happens in this chapter,also sorry if I don't update a lot .thank you to the people that read this chapter and I hope you liked it and continue to read my book.:)