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Dear Ex,

Dear ex,

How have you been? I don't think I could take it if you were miserable because I still want your happiness. It's funny isn't it how we fell in love so fast and fell apart just as quickly. Did you know that when we first met, I thought you were someone that would always make me laugh? Look at us now though barely even a smile on my lips that still taste like you.

It's been a couple of months, but it feels like it was only yesterday that we had everything. I know you moved on because I see you every day looking brighter than any star in the sky. I know that you have someone else now and that when you look at them, you smile as you did to me once. I know that you forgive me for not trying hard enough and that now I'm just apart of your past.

I think I'm just asking, do you know that I haven't moved on yet. Do you know that the darkness that I live in has started to consume me because I no longer have your light? Do you know I will never forgive myself for not trying hard enough and that you are not apart of my past? Our friends don't understand that while I was the one that ended it, I did it for you.

I'm selfish, I know that, but for once in my life, I was going to be selfless. I did the kindest thing I almost ever did; I let you go. I looked you in the eyes, trying not to make the words we needed to die in my throat. I listened as the words come crawling out of my mouth like poison. I watched as you shifted nervously, but I also saw how a weight seemed to have lifted off your shoulders. I saw how your whole demeanor changed from an unwilling hostage to a free man, all because of the words that tumbled from my lips. I saw how you tried to act as if it hurt you but don't worry if I had been you, I would have done the same. I'm hard to deal with, I know that.

I'm damaged, and no matter how hard you try, I'll always hurt. I'm sorry that I was clingy one moment and distant the next. I'm sorry that I ever doomed you to suffering all in the name of love. I'm sorry I was so arrogant that I couldn't see your struggle, only mine. I'm sorry that I was restraining your independence and limiting your happiness. I know now that we could have worked if we had met at a different time. If we had fallen in love before the world broke me, we might've worked.

~j.g.s.b~
5/10/20