Hey Brother (One Chicago)

27- Final Goodbyes

A/N: This isn't the longest chapter, but I didn't want to drag it out for too long. Listening to this song makes me cry and I think it fits well with the chapter. Hope you all cry just like I did. Lots of love!

It's been two weeks since Daniel's murder. Intelligence are still no closer to finding who did this. I know how hard it is with cases like this and how long they can take, but my brain hasn't been functioning logically. I keep snapping at everyone. I visited the firehouse two days after Daniel passed, they were all understanding of my absence. Severide and Casey had found it difficult to talk, but when I was there we talked it out. Sylvie and Gabby have made an effort to visit me everyday, not wanting me to be alone. They'd been told about why I can't go anywhere. I'm basically back to when I first arrived at intelligence. I can't go anywhere alone. I've only spoken to Atwater, and that's only because I have to stay with him.

I'd spoken to Jay and apologised to him for lashing out. Jay had told me he understood, but I know what I said was hurtful and pretty stupid of me. He'd still kept his distance. When I was at the 21st district I wasn't allowed to go into intelligence. The others didn't want me to work on the case. Instead I stayed behind the desk with Trudy. She made every effort to get me talking, but I had become mute. She never liked the fact that I talked so much, but she had started to miss it. I haven't opened up about how I feel in a while.

Ethan had visited, he'd asked how I was doing, just like everyone else. But he was different to the others. He got that I didn't want to talk, so instead he'd come and sit with me. He wouldn't speak, just sit. I appreciated that a lot. I had felt so alone, but every time someone had come to visit me I had felt so overwhelmed and my anxiety had peaked. Having Ethan there made me feel like I wasn't alone, but it also gave me space to think. I think he was hoping that one time I'd speak to him, but I didn't. I kept everything locked up. 

Will had made it his mission to get me to talk, but all he got from me was a simple "I don't feel like talking", every time he tried. Grief is a weird thing. It makes your emotions go all over the place. I remember feeling numb, sad, confused, angry and even happy all at the same time. I went back to my apartment to get some stuff and I came across the picture of the family reunion. The first time we kissed. The memory was a happy one, I felt like a completely different person that day. I was confident. I was truly happy. 

Today is the day that I say goodbye to Daniel. For the last time. I've never actualy been to a funeral, but I can't imagine it's something you should look forward to. Like you would a first concert. I have to face Daniel's family and if I'm honest, I don't know how I'm going to do it. After all it is my fault he's dead. Whoever killed him was after me, and everyone knows that. His grandma had called me, she had asked how I was doing. I had been on the call with her for two hours. She spoke about Daniel's childhood and all of the memories she had of him. I could tell she was devastated just from the tone of her voice, but she only spoke of the happiness. She remembered him for the true angel on earth he was. She was an ear to listen. She never once blamed me, or interrupted me. She was the one who made me realise that this fued I have with intelligence is pointless. But something deep inside of me can't let it go.

"You ready?" Kevin asks me. He sticks his head around the door of the living room. I nod, eventhough I'm not ready. I never will be, but this is my last chance to say goodbye. We go outside, the cold air wrapping itself around my small frame. Everywhere I look on the way to the church I'm reminded of Daniel. I'm reminded of the first time we met when we drive past Molly's. That was just over a year ago. We should've had more time.

The church is filled with firemen, all in their class A uniforms. I'm greeted by Daniel's grandma, who engulfs me in the biggest hug. She makes me feel so comforted, like she cares for me as if I'm one of her own. Eventhough she knows that I'm the reason Daniel is gone. The service starts, Boden talks about Daniel and how he truly was amazing. There isn't anything bad to say about Daniel.

Soon it's my turn. Daniel's grandma had asked me to say something. Because she never got to see us much, she never knew what he was like with me. So I agreed, I want to be able to honour him and give him the recognition he deserves.

"First, I want to thank everyone for coming. Meeting Daniel was the best thing to ever happen to me. He blessed the lives of everyone who had the luck of meeting him. Although we kept it casual for a while, I knew from the day I met him that I was crazy about him. He made me feel so special, like all my worries had flown away. Sometimes I felt like he was the only person who ever listened to me." I start, my eyes landing on my brothers. They both look at me, with a reassuring expression. Although I hadn't spoken to them much since this happened, they're still here to support me.

"Daniel was the one person who helped me trust again. He only ever wanted the best for me, he was patient. He waited until I was ready. I remember feeling so mad when I found out he had been lying to me. But he was trying to look out for me. He always was. And I know he'll be watching over me until we meet again. He was an angel in disguise, nothing but a good, honest person. The day we first spoke was my 18th birthday. My brothers interrogated him to see if he was the right one for me. But they knew all along, everyone knew. We were meant for each other." I turn my attention to the coffin beside me, my heart sinking, "I remember being told you were gone, my heart shattered into a million pieces. I knew I wouldn't be able to bring life into this world with you. I knew we would never get married. I didn't know you for long before I knew I loved you. The first kiss we shared was at the family reunion when I faked being your girlfriend. It was so stupid, but I loved being stupid with you. I promise, my lips will be sealed about the Disney story forever. You'll forever be my hero Daniel. I love you, forever and always. Sleep tight my angel." 

I shut myself up before my emotions over take me, and I end up saying something I regret. I place a kiss on my hand then press it against the coffin, saying goodbye for the final time. The ceremony comes to an end, members of firehouse 51 being the pallbearers. The coffin that contains my boyfriend is carried through the two lines of firefighters who salute him. Jay and Will stand at either side of me, as everything unfolds in front of me. The rest of the funeral is a blur, I can't contain my emotions any more and the tears are uncontrollable. It just hurts so much to know that he's gone. 

We go to Molly's after, to raise a glass in memory of Daniel. I haven't been to Molly's since everything happened. As I walk through the door, I look over to where Severide and Casey are sat in their usual place. The seat next to them is empty, where he would usually sit. I walk over to them, sitting in the seat that I usually would, so that there is a space between me and Severide. It wierdly comforts me, as if he's here still. 

"He did the same when everything happened.." Severide trails off, not wanting to remind me of past events. 

"With the rape." I finish for him. I'm quick to change the subject though, "He never stopped worrying about me, did he?" 

"He was always talking about you, he loved you." 

"A lot" Casey adds. Boden stands behind us. I turn my attention to him. 

"Thank you" he looks at me confused. "Thank you for bringing him to the firehouse. I wouldn't have met him otherwise." 

"I couldn't have brought anyone better to the firehouse." 

A/N: Ahhh! That's it. I've finished the book. I'm actually crying, why am I so emotionally attached to a character? 

Thank you for all of the support! Oh and don't worry I plan on writing a sequel but I don't know what happens in the sequel yet so if you have any suggestions please comment them. Lots of love! x