Up in Smoke (Soulmate AU)

I am here.

There are nights when she drowns.

When her skull closes in on itself and her ribs are broken glass. She sees him again and suddenly she is much smaller. A spec. An insect as the walls tower over her. The ceiling fan that points as it teases. They're closing in. She thinks that if she breathes deeply enough then maybe - just maybe she could handle the panic. But her breath only fans the flame - and now she's gasping for air.

She curls into herself. The tears are hot on her cheeks, along with the gentle pulling of what's dried beneath her jaw. She feels discouraged. She feels disgusting. This hasn't happened in weeks and now it's here again. She can still see his knuckles, like bullets ~ cocking along the motions of his wrist.

Her eyes wander to the clock beside her bed. "3:28 AM" She should be asleep by now. She was asleep. Until he woke her up again. He was leaning over her. She couldn't make out his face but he was there, she could have sworn he was. He was coming and he was gonna find her. He was coming and he was gonna find her.

She was reaching for her phone now. Uprooting the charger from its socket as she brought it against her chest. And she held it there for a moment. Clutching it tightly, as if it were her grip keeping it from falling apart.

He's probably asleep. She thought. What would he think if I called him like this? We're close but are we that close? What if he's angry? I don't want to make him angry. I don't want to bother him.

The sudden bright light had her wincing through her tears. The numbers almost too out of focus to code in. 1-2-2-1 buzz! 1-3-2-1 buzz! Shit. 1-2-2-0 click!

She watched as her thumb trembled over the icon for a moment. The bright green seeming almost brighter against the grain of her aching eyes. She let her thumb bump into it. Nearly cowering away when it burst into a stark white, his number the first on her list.

She was pushing it before her doubt could stop her. Listening to the gentle ringing from afar, she was almost too afraid to put it to her head. Too afraid of how he'd might respond to being woken up like this. It was so late and they had school tomorrow. Maybe she should just hang up. This was a bad idea. I shouldn't have-

"Hello?" His voice was a little slurred, slightly raspy as he tried to speak through his slumber. It sounded nice on him. So welcoming.

But she couldn't speak, couldn't bring herself to. Only stare at the screen, watching as her sorrow bumped into little wet hills against the glass. Letting out mute sobs against her trembling hand.

He heard a quiet sniffle at the other end of the line. That woke him up.

He was shifting himself against his headboard when he spoke again. "(Y/N)? Hey, w-what's going on?"

"I'm sorry." Her voice came out broken, hardly steady as her words came out as jagged squeaks. "I shouldn't have woken you up. I'm so sorr-"

"No, no!" He lifted his hand as if she could see it. "No, it's okay don't worry about it, just- Hey, talk to me."

"I-" The stifled weeping on the other side of his phone had him on his feet. "I had a nightmare... About my father."

She heard some shuffling from the other side of the line. It took a moment for him to speak again. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"I don't.... no."

"You don't know?"

"No, I don't... I don't think I can...right now."

"That's okay," Was that the wind? "Whenever you're ready. I'm here."

She nodded, the knot in her throat was just as suffocating as it had been. "I'm just... so scared." It was barely a whisper.

"That's okay too. You're allowed to be ~ You're allowed to be afraid of him. He was a bad guy. Anybody in your position would be." He paused for a bit. "But you're safe here. You're safe and we'll make sure of that. ~ I'll make sure of that."

The soft knocking against the glass on her terrace door made her jump a little. He was standing there, his phone still against his head and his hair a slept on mess. The meek smile and wave he gave her made her chest warm.

He glanced down at her as she came to slide the door open, the only thing covering her, a slightly oversized t-shirt. "Crimson Riot" presented in big bold letters that shone in the moonlight. He thought about Kirishima. How excited he'd be to know that they shared the same interest in heroes. Shinning his white shark-like teeth at her as he droned on and she listened. Maybe he'd look him up in his free time. Bring him up in conversation and watch her eyes light up. Anything would be better than the swollen ones that looked up at him now.

The gesture came before he could think twice about it. His arms spread open and pointed forward, fingers slightly curling into themselves. "Let me hold you." His body said. And hers responded accordingly. Melting into his arms. Her face pressed against his chest as the smoke on her head tickled the bottom of his chin.

He held her tightly. This was the most intimate contact they had ever shared. They hadn't even held hands and now here she was, pressed against his chest ~ his arms firmly strapped against her back as she sobbed into his pajama shirt. But this wasn't about him. - He reminded himself.- This wasn't about his infatuation with her. Or the feeling of her body against his. The way her skin looked in the moonlight. Or the fact that she trusted him enough to show this side of herself. This was about saving her, even if just for the moment. Being a hero for her. A villain who had buried himself in her, like a tick or a tapeworm. And he was gonna be here to dig it out of her.

"Can you...stay?" She was looking up at him now, eyes wide and pleaful. He saw his fingers reach up to wipe the stray tears that had fallen on her cheeks, but didn't remember consciously deciding to do that.

"Of course." He smiled down at her. The look he gave her reminded her of her mother. "As long as you need."

He was realizing how unconscious his decisions had become when he found himself leading her back to her bed, lifting her comforter to slide the two of them partially beneath it.

She let his arms envelop her as she clung to his shirt. She was still crying and a part of her felt a little silly for it. But at least the hyperventilating was over. At least he was here to protect her. She was safe now.

She was safe because he was here.

And he'd always be. He'd make sure of that.