ᗷOᗪYGᑌᗩᖇᗪ ᗷᗩKᑌᗪEKᑌ

When will I be ready?

The video is from my second channel I don't know why but like I can see Deku singing this with female models as his um...thots and then him being interviewed about it just to come out as gay. Your welcome for that image.

Alright on with the angst.

After Todoroki left I went back upstairs to talk to Kacchan. When I opened the door he was sitting on the bed his back was turned to me and he was doing something but I couldn't tell what. I walked over to him and when he realized that I was behind him he closed a book he was holding and put it in a bag along with a pencil. 

"What were you doing?" I asked.

"Nothing." He said coolly.

I was just hoping that my 'rejection' didn't hurt or affect our relationship I mean he did say that he'd wait for me although it could have been just the heat of the moment. Maybe he doesn't actually like me. Maybe he'll the same Haru did just without the emotional and physical abuse. Maybe he'll cheat on me because he doesn't have the heart to tell me that he doesn't actually love me. Or maybe he'll fall out of love with me. Or maybe he'll pity fuck me and think it's enough and leave.

Wait....

I'M NOT READY FOR SEX.

I wanna stay a virgin until I know for sure he loves me. Besides Haru and I only dated for a year how long should it take for me to fully trust him? I don't know... But... don't I already trust him? I mean if  I can trust him with my life then I should trust him with my heart too yeah? Yeah! Then it's settled I completely trust him. But does he trust me? Oh no what if..

"D...u.  Ku.....De.....ku......DEKU!" Kacchan yelled

"Eep!" I squealed and jumped fell off the bed.

"K-Kacchan! You scared me!" I yelped.

"Deku do you trust me or not? I got a little confused." He said annoyed.

"Oh ma gawd you heard all that oh my gosh I'm so sorry yes yes I trust you!" I rambled out quickly.

Kacchan looked at me for a while making me uncomfortable he then looks kinda... angry? He then stomps off downstairs possibly to the basement. I look down and start crying.

Now I've made him upset. Why can't I just trust him? Why do I have to ruin everything? God I'm such a useless prick. Ugh what's wrong with me? I get up and open my drawer and take out my pocket knife. I head into the bathroom and unwrap the bandaging and...

"Oi Deku what the fuck are you doing?" Kacchan yelled behind me making me jump and drop my pocket knife.

I turn to look at him and he was giving me a look of disappointment.

"I-I."

"Why? Why as soon as I turn my back you start cutting and throwing a fucking pity party?"

"I-I....."

"Oi! Answer me!"

I start freak out and cry.

"Shit Deku sorry for yelling. I'm just...a little upset I guess. I'm not mad at you I'm mad at Haru. He hurt you, Halfy, and shit for brains. It's not right that you had to go through that pain. And for what? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Damn I'm supposed to protect you but I can't even do that right. You should just give up on me. Don't even bother with me if I can't even express my true emotions how am I supposed to help with yours... I'm just a lost cause. So with all being said Izuku. I think you should reconsider because in all honesty I'll just keep unintentionally hurting you." He said crying.

I was shocked. I thought he loved me...but then again he's crying too. I wanted to jump into his arms and beg him to change his mind to tell him all the reasons that I needed him the reasons he needed me. But...then again I can't find any reasons he'd need me. All in all having him is all for my selfish reasons. I sat there gripping handfuls of the bottom of my shirt practically sobbing. He walks past me emotionless and takes my knife and starts reapplying the bandages to my wounds. I flinched at the touch and when he's done he still has that stone cold face and leaves me to my thoughts.

Bakugou~

I was hurting him too much.

The only reason why he wants me is because he's delusional. He doesn't know what he really wants. He only feels like he needs me is because I was there. I was there when it all went down from the abuse to now. If his boyfriend well ex boyfriend wasn't such a shitty little fuck he'd still be happy.

If I were to date him while he's vulnerable than I'd just be taking advantage of him. It hurts to feel that I was just leading him on.

But...

I wasn't.

I had just come to my senses.

And frankly I don't think either of us are ready for a relationship.

But when will I be ready?

When will he be ready?

When he is ready will he... come to his senses and leave me for good.

Would he fire me as his bodyguard just to avoid me?

I can't help but have these thoughts. No matter how hard I try to push them away I... can't.

God this torture.