The Boy Next Door (boyxboy)

Chapter 10

Harry’s POV

“Hi mum. It’s been a while. So, dad found out I was gay, and he kicked me out. I met this guy though. He’s actually our new neighbour. He moved in just after the accident. He’s so beautiful mum. He has these piercing blue eyes, and bleach blond hair, and a smile to die for. But mum, he has agoraphobia. He’s such a nice guy though. He said that I help him calm down. We started dating two months ago and he took me in after dad kicked me out. He’s been so lovely. He makes me happy. Our first date, he took me to a fancy restaurant and then we went to the park and he sang one of his songs to me in a gazebo. It was beautiful. I really like him mum. He is an adult. He's twenty three. But he's so considerate of me. Last week, he rang me and he was freaking out. I was at school and he knew that so him ringing me when I was at school, showed me it was important. Lou took me to find him and he was in a alley, curled up on the ground. He had gotten lost and being an agoraphobic, he was terrified. When we were in the car on the way back to his house, he was clinging to me like his life depended on it. I knew it would happen eventually. I made a huge mistake mum. I feel hopeless and miserable. I yelled at him, telling him I don't deserve any of this. He told me he loves me and I said it meant nothing, but I swear hearing those words come from him made my entire world light up. I love him mum. I do. But I left him. He’s been alone for so long, feeling unloved and I was the person that lit up his world and I just left. I feel terrible. But mum, I was scared. I’ve already lost you, and Gemma, I cant lose him too. If he got in trouble and no one can help him, then I might really lose him. I can’t lose someone else. But Liam texted me a photo of Niall and he looks more miserable than ever. He has OCD and he’s surrounded by dirty dishes, takeout boxes and he's wearing dirty, creased clothes. That’s so abnormal of him. And it’s my fault. I keep trying to push all my feelings away but it’s not working. I don't know what to do. I can’t lose another person in my life and I just can’t live without him. I’ve broken him. I don't know what to do. I wiped the few tears that had fallen and stared at the grey stone. 

“I’ve been an asshole. I wish you were here to help me. I’m too scared to ask one of the boys for help. None of them will really talk to me anyway because they hate me. I don't blame them either. I hate myself too. I want to go and see him but I’m afraid that he’ll refuse to see me or talk to me or even just listen to me. I’m just a wimp. Aren't I? I don't know what I'm doing. I kept implying that he chose to be like this. I know that’s not true. I know that he has a sickness. He has panic attacks a lot too. But when he sings and the way he plays guitar, it’s amazing mum. His songs are so deep and meaningful. I got bashed two months ago and the way he took care of me, it was just amazing. I don't think I could be happier with anyone else. I just need to true him. I could see the hurt in his eyes when I didn't say I love him back. I know he meant it. I know he really loves me. I wish I said it back. I do. I love him. I love him so much. I want to see him, but I don't know if I can handle it. I don't know if I can handle seeing him in that state and knowing it was my fault. But now I'm being selfish again. I’m so selfish. I actually cant believe myself right now. I can’t even imagine how Niall feels right now. He’s all I have left. I miss you, I miss you so so much mum. I really wish you could meet Niall. I should go now. I’ll go and see him. I know it could not end well at all, but I'm going to at least try. I need to see him again. I’ll come back as soon as I can. I promise. I love you”. I stood up, brushing the snow off my black jeans and put the flower down on her grave. 

I’m so nervous to see Niall. I have that feeling in my stomach like something is flying around. It’s not an uncomfortable feeling. I also feel slightly weak. Just the thought of being near him gets my knees all shaky. But knowing I’ll be seeing how broken he is, that will be so much harder. Here I go again. I’m being fucking selfish. Why cant I be fucking considerate just for a few fucking minutes!? It can’t be that hard.