The Boy Next Door (boyxboy)

Chapter 20

You'll probably hate me once you've read this…But it’s not the end so yeah…just a warning. 

Niall’s POV

Idiot. Moron. Stupid. Asshole. Pussy. I hate myself. How could I do this? I’m all those things. That’s all I can ever think about. I’m an idiot because I fell for the lad in the first place. I’m a moron because I let myself get attached. I’m stupid because I opened my door in the first place. I’m an asshole because I broke a young boys heart and I’m a pussy because I just kicked him out without giving anything a try and practically ran away to hide from the guilt I would go through. Everything is just so messed up. Why did I have this stupid sickness? Why couldn't I be normal? But the fact it, I am those things. But more lonely than anything else because, well, I miss Harry. There’s no denying that. I love him so much. I miss him so much.

“Niall? We’re going to the shops for a bit. Will you be okay?” I could only nod as Greg watched me with concern. I haven't spoken since that little talk Greg and Denise had with me two days ago. Theo is constantly trying to get my attention and I feel terrible for not acknowledging him but I just don't want anyone around me anymore. I don't want caring, I don't want loving, I don't want anything. I only want Harry. I can’t bring myself to go find him though. I know seeing him will hurt like hell. Really, I don't want to for my own selfish reasons. “Okay, well we’ll be back soon. Don't do anything stupid”. I just numbly nodded and he hesitantly left. It’s just hard for me. I can’t explain in words how I really feel. I just feel like half of me is missing. 

“I’m half a heart without you”. I tried to sing but it came out as a croaky whisper. Why does it hurt so much? Why did I do this to myself? Why did I let him go? Why why why. That’s all I can ever think about. Why. I don't even know where Harry could be. I have no way of knowing. Harry is ass I will ever need. But he’s gone. It’s like someone ripped my heart out as cut it in half as I watched then shoved only half back in and took the other half away. And there’s no way of me ever getting it back. God that sounds so stupid, but it’s true. I can’t escape this pain no matter how hard I try. 

I was startled when there was a knock on the door and slowly got up. As much as I really didn't want people around, I shouldn't ignore it. As soon as I opened the door I was stunned. How?

“H-how do you keep finding me?” She smirked. 

“Hello Niall”. She stepped in, with me knowing what she could do, and I didn't even try to stop her. “You look like another boy has taken your heart and crushed it. Was it that Harry boy?” I closed the front door and stared at her bag. Does she have the belt? Would she be here to do that? Is she here to hurt me again? I felt my arms getting tugged behind me and tied together. No struggle involved. People would probably think I’m an idiot. Why am I not fighting? Why don't I attack her? But the truth is, I don't want to. I want her to do this. I want her to break my skin. I want to feel that pain again. Maybe it’ll make the rest of the pain disappear. “You ready to have some fun?” She pushed me to the ground and I landed with a thud as she kneeled down and ripped my top off. Yes. I’m ready. Just do it. Please just do it. *whack* I held back the gasp, the tears, the screams. I just stayed quiet as she hit me again. And again. “You’ve been a bad boy Niall”. Again. “You deserve this”. Yes, I do. Again. “You’re so stupid”. Yes I am. Again. “How could you leave me?” I don't know Harry. Again. “We’ve always had fun”. I know. Again. She continued. I stopped myself from making any noise or sign of hurt or pain. As much as it hurt, I don't care. I want this. I deserve this, just like she said, I always deserved this. Every single time she ever did this, I deserved it. Everything is always my fault. I’m always the one that screws things up. When those guys used me, it was my fault. I was too stupid and jumped into something that wasn't even there. I saw things that weren't there. I am the one who broke up with Harry. It’s always all my fault. “I had fun Niall. Maybe I’ll see you again sometime”. She took the ropes this time as she wasn't in as much of a rush and packed her things up, standing. “Bye”. I didn't move. I had no intentions of moving.