I'm Not Okay

Part Three

Kimberly awoke from a loud noise coming from outside. The fire truck continued passing by with a roaring signal, causing Kim a massive headache. A deep line appeared on her forehead as she opened her eyes.

The view of the ceiling seemed strange as she moved her head to the right side. The scene there looked foreign. There stood a few high chairs against the white kitchen countertop. She could see the white fridge and an ornamented door beside it.

Kim rolled from the bed and stood up. Her balance remained uneven. The sight of the rest of the place was unfamiliar. An enormous window in front of her, yellow curtains closed. Just a slight crack between them showed that it was daytime.

She glanced at the area and realized that the bed wasn't empty. Half naked man lay on his back, his head turned to the left side, facing the window. His chest slowly rose up and down and he seemed deep asleep. Kim barely could see his face, but vaguely remembered meeting him in the bar.

A bitter taste formed in Kim's mouth as she looked around once more and noticed the opening. She stumbled to the door and went inside the bathroom.

Kim kneeled, emptying her stomach content into the toilet. As nausea passed Kim leaned her back to the wall, the cold titled surface gave her body a slight shiver. She felt confused, trying to connect loose pieces of last night. All she could remember clearly Tara was leaving her at the club.

Although her stomach felt empty and a bitter taste still lingered in Kim's mouth, her bladder seemed full. She stood up, gripping the toilet to keep her balance steady. Kimberly sat down, floating urine stung her crotch; she winced from the tingling feeling. Her eyes got wide when she realized she didn't have to pull down her panties as she stayed naked under the dress.

At that moment, most of the evening came back to Kim. The fear took over her heart as flashes of Cody's face above her. His sweaty hands on her body passed in her memory. She wiped her groin, noticing spots of blood on the toilet paper. Tears filled her eyes when she gathered what had happened last night. And even though she couldn't remember all the details, it was enough for her to draw a conclusion.

She left the bathroom as quickly as she could, still stumbling against the walls. The guy—Cody stayed asleep. Kimberly looked around, noticing her bag on the kitchen counter. She grabbed the purse and left the apartment. Kim dragged her skirt down upon reaching the street. The frigid air seemed harsh on her bare butt. Kim glanced around, she didn't know where she was.

She took out her phone, but she wasn't able to turn it on. Kim examined her purse, a few dollars lay at the bottom of the clutch. Kim looked around, noticing a taxi across the street. She went to the car and soon left the site.

The money Kim had seemed enough to get back home. She climbed from the taxi and dragged her feet towards her apartment building stairs.

"Kim! Where the fuck have you been?" John yelled. He stood up from the stairs, staring at Kim intently. "I have been calling you all morning," he added.

"John," she whimpered, dragging her dress skirt down. "Something happened—last night," she said in a broken voice.

John scanned the appearance of his girlfriend. Kim's dress seemed wrinkled, the waist strap hung on the side. Her hair held messily entangled at the top of her head. Her face appeared puffy, her eyes looked reddish and black as her pupils held widely dilated. Kim's legs remained filthy as she stood in front of John with her bare feet.

"What?" He asked in a harsh tone.

Kim got startled by the sound of John's voice; he never used that tone with her. His demeanor visibly changed, and the look on his face forced her to lower her eyes.

"The guy—from the club—he raped me," she explained in a broken tone. The bitter taste rose again in Kim's mouth, and she panted deeply, trying to get fresh air. It didn't help as the petrol fume smell just made her feel worse.

John's widened. "What guy? What club?" He asked with loud breaths.

"Tara and I—went to the club—last night," Kim said, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. "This guy—he bought me a drink—and somehow, I ended up in his place." Tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Somehow?" John asked, squinting his eyes.

"I don't remember—a lot," Kim added, wiping tears.

"Oh, I get it now," John said with a scoff, lifting his hands in the air. "You got drunk and cheated, and now when you got caught, you calling it a rape." His palms formed into fists.

"I didn't even drink that much, and I wouldn't do that—I said no, John," she said and tried to grab his arm as John started to walk away.

John turned around, stuffing his hands in the jeans pockets. "This is you telling me you don't want to move in with me," he stated. His brown eyes seemed glassy. "You didn't have to cheat, you could just tell me."

"John—" Kim's voice came out as a sob.

"Just fuck off, Kim," he replied, and turned around and left Kimberly alone.

Kimberly stood alone on the sidewalk in front of her building as cars and people passed by her. Tears streamed down her cheeks. The image of John soon vanished as he turned left, disappearing behind the building. She wiped the droplets off her face and went to her apartment.

Kim felt dizzy from the emotions and dirty from Cody's hands on her body. Kim tossed her bag on the sofa and went to the shower. She turned on the water and took off her clothes. Just then, she noticed her red wrist, and then the image of Cody pinning her down appeared in her memory.

Once again, the tears dripped on her face. As she looked at the mirror and noticed her swollen, purple throat, a sob broke out, echoing through the bathroom.

Kim scrubbed every inch of her body until all her skin tones seemed crimson. She wrapped herself in a towel and went to the living room. Finding her telephone, Kimberly plugged it into the charger and traveled to her bedroom. She lay on her bed but couldn't close her eyes since all she could see was the guy — Cody. She remained just staring at the ceiling, tears dripping down her face.