I'm Not Okay

Part Four

A droplet of water traveled down the titled wall and soon merged with the rest of the water in the tub. Kimberly found another droplet and followed its path, just like the previous one. The water felt lukewarm by now, forcing Kim to shiver. She brushed her damped hair from her forehead and sat down in the tub. The water splashed on the floor as she soon stood up.

For the last month, Kim stayed in slumber. She felt dizzy, and it felt fitting for her. Her hands and feet stayed wrinkled as she wiped herself with the towel, exiting the bathroom. She soon reached the kitchen, pouring herself another whiskey. She gulped on the drink, the liquid-burning taste felt soothing to her.

Kim tightened the knot on her robe and sat down on the sofa, continuing with the drink. She stared at the painting of waterfalls and imagined herself there, standing under the pouring water. As she closed her eyes and soon felt suffocated and it seemed like hands wrapped around her neck. It felt difficult to breathe, and she gulped in the air, opening her eyes again.

She was alone. But it felt like he—Cody was there with her. Her bruises healed by now, but it didn't matter his presence; the act stayed with her. Her mind traveled to Tara, even as she assumed Kim had cheated. The disbelief everyone showed to Kim made her feel abandoned. And that was the way she stayed ever since the night it happened, alone with her thoughts.

She took a week of vacation from work and hoped that it would be enough time to get back to her old self. It wasn't. Soon she got the call that not attending work would force the firm to fire her. They fired her a few days after that.

Kimberly always felt strong, invincible, and determined. Her powerful will gave her so many advantages. Now she seemed absent from her values and aspirations. She took the last gulp of the drink and placed the glass on the glass table, keeping her eyesight on the painting.

She knew the painting was a good last site to see, as her eyes started to feel heavy. She looked at the table and grabbed the lighter and a pack of cigarettes. Kimberly quit the habit years ago, but it felt like her health didn't matter anymore. Not now, anyway. She dragged a long puff and looked around. Tabaco added more dizziness and Kim loved the numb feeling, which was brought by the combination of everything she consumed that afternoon.

She soon leaned back, placing her head on the backrest of the sofa, and watched the swirls of smoke lingering above her. She puffed on a cigarette a few more times and soon her eyes closed and her hand slumped down on the sofa.

An irritating beeping sound reached Kim. Her nose felt uncomfortable, as it felt something was stuck there. She moved her nose seeking some comfort but failed as the plastic didn't migrate from her movement.

"She was lucky you were there," a manly voice said.

Kim opened her eyes, seeing a blurry image of a man and Tara standing near the bed. The man wore a white coat, and a chart occupied his hands. Kim soon realized she lay in the hospital. She gulped a few times. Her throat felt dry and slightly painful as well. Her eyes soon closed again, since she felt the lack of strength to keep them open.

"She was not picking up my calls for days, so I got concerned," Tara explained, scratching her forehead.

Days? Kim questioned. They didn't talk for weeks. And it seemed Tara didn't care that much anyway. No one did.

"We will have to keep her here," the doctor stated, moving the chart from his left hand to his right one.

"Why?" Tara asked, furrowing her eyebrows. "It wasn't even an actual fire," she added. "Her sofa just got a bit burned, but she looks fine." Tara gestured towards Kim.

"That is the consequence of what she did before the minor fire," he said, shaking his head lightly. "Has something upset her lately? Distant perhaps? You mention she was not answering the calls."

"I'm not sure what you mean. She had an incident with her boyfriend," Tara replied, dragging her voice. "So maybe she is mad at me because I sort of took his side."

"From the number of drugs we found in her system, it's clear she was trying to commit suicide," he explained, to which Tara gasped. "That is why we are keeping her. The fire merely seems a consequence of her losing her consciousness. And as I said she was lucky, you found her."

"She cheated on her boyfriend and he left her, I'm not sure if that is why-"

"Didn't cheat," Kim said in a groggy voice.

"Kim," Tara whispered, stepping closer to the bed. "Why would you do this? And you almost set fire as well."

Kimberly opened her eyes. "You won't understand." Her eyes felt wet. "No one does." She turned on her right side, facing the wall, and closed her eyes again.

The sound of Tara's voice emerged with a beeping sound and it felt easier to ignore her. Why was she here? Kimberly questioned, trying to remember what happened. She remembered taking pills and having a bath. She failed even in a simple task but she felt determined and knew she would reach her goal eventually.