Finding Jiyong

Chapter 8

It’s not simple to say
That most days I don’t recognize me
That these shoes and this apron
That place and its patrons
Have taken more than I gave them
It’s not easy to know
I’m not anything like I used to be, although it’s true
I was never attention’s sweet center
I still remember that girl

She’s imperfect, but she tries
She is good, but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won’t ask for help
She is messy, but she’s kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone but she used to be mine

It’s not what I asked for
Sometimes life just slips in through a back door
And carves out a person and makes you believe it’s all true
And now I’ve got you
And you’re not what I asked for
If I’m honest, I know I would give it all back
For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two
For the girl that I knew

Who’ll be reckless, just enough
Who’ll get hurt, but who learns how to toughen up
When she’s bruised and gets used by a man who can’t love
And then she’ll get stuck
And be scared of the life that’s inside her
Growing stronger each day ‘til it finally reminds her
To fight just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes
That’s been gone, but used to be mine
Used to be mine

She is messy, but she’s kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine

She Used To Be Mine
Lyrics and Music by Sara Bareilles
For reference watch Alison Luff’s rendition in YouTube

“Fresh from the success of the musical play from Another Oh Haeyoung rising musical theater star Dara Park uploads a video on her YouTube channel her own emotional cover of She Used To Be Mine from the musical play Waitress. She said in her intro that she was dedicating it to her mother and all the other single moms out there who have gone through hell and back raising their kids alone. Comments have been positive so far and people have been asking her to post more covers in the future. Some netizens have been pleasantly surprised also on how the usually mild tempered Dara could express such anger into one song cover.” CL read out loud over the video call. “What’s the official consensus on this, girls? You think the anger’s all secondhand in relation to her mother or is there some personal first hand emo vibe mixed in to this?”

“It’s high time she’s expressed some emotion over anything outside of the theater. Maybe it’s the flowers that did the trick. That note was the trigger in opening Pandora ’s Box. After that crazy period when she was fruitlessly searching for Jiyong she had been very composed all the time I almost could believe she’d been kidnapped by aliens and was replaced by a highly functional but emotionless AI. She was always acting bubbly and full of smiles but she wasn’t fooling me.” Bom answered.

“Yah!” Dara yelled. “Why are you talking as if I’m not here?”

“Oh, you’re here. Welcome back to earth. Was everything fine with the mother ship?” Bom rolled her eyes at her.

“To be fair to Bom unnie you’ve actually been staring off into space for like maybe more than five minutes, Unnie.” Minzy said.

Dara sighed. “I don’t know, girls. I just don’t understand what I’m feeling. I know I’m angry. But I don’t know if I am angry with myself or with whoever sent me those flowers.”

“Why can’t you say his name, Dara?” CL asked. “The flowers were from Jiyong. Your Jiyong. The Jiyong you wasted almost two years of your youth looking for.”