Legacy // BTS AU

Dear Army

♥*♡∞:｡.｡　　｡.｡:∞♡*♥

Dear the biggest love, Army,

how do i begin... i'm sorry Army. I am sorry this was how it ended. I am sorry i never got to perform for you guys one last time. I am sorry for those who never got to see me perform if that was what you wanted. And most of all, I am sorry for preaching so much about self love, only not to do it myself.

I'm sorry Army.

But... thank you. Thank you for everything. Thank you for allowing me to travel all over the world to perform in front of all of you. To hear you shout our names was the best feeling in the world. I'm going to miss that. Thank you for all your surprises, for all your wishes and messages that made me feel all warm inside.

Thank you Army.

If i could, i would go up to every single one of you and apologise for what i did or what i am about to do. All of you deserve an idol who knows who he is. Not some disgusting hypocrite like me.

Bangtan was my whole life. It was where i spend my happiest and saddest moments with 6 amazing boys who watched me grow up and vice versa. We were extremely happy. And we had a beautiful fanbase who loved us as much as we loved them.

So, i'm sorry.
I'm sorry i began hurting myself and hating myself.
I'm sorry that i failed to love myself and find out who i am in this world.
I'm sorry for listening to all the backlash about us and all the negative things said and taking them to heart.
I'm sorry for thinking i was such a mistake and didn't deserve the life i was given.
I'm sorry i tried to change myself.

I fell in love with a male and began hating myself even more.

I went into depression and began hurting myself, telling myself every time that i deserved it.
I didn't listen to my band mates and continued beating myself up, i was selfish.

I didn't even think about the consequences everything just hurt so much. It was so painful i wanted it to end. I wanted to end it all. I don't deserve to live.

Army, BTS might still be around. Maybe they'll continue with just 6 members. But they're still Bangtan. Love them, like how you always have. My time in BTS has ended. It's time to let go. To move on.

Here's a final message for Army:
Being an idol isn't easy. Your lives are controlled by the thought that your idols are the closest thing to perfection that you'll see in a lifetime. Then you will grow up, move on after you find something else that piques your interest and forget that we ever existed.

No one knows the true evil behind the industry. The suffering and tired humans treated like slaves when being painted up and ordered how to talk, speak and dress. Not allowed to give any suggestions or thoughts unless it's something that would please fans even losing self respect and dignity.

When the idol contract was signed, we lost a part of ourselves. The end of our own rights. The end of a normal life.

Idols go bankrupt, some die but in the end we have some bit of fame. Our lives were narrowed down to whether we had attractive faces or hot bodies.

We are like dolls being controlled by a puppet master which is our companies, each string filled with malice and evil.

We are overworked and tired and no one sees the signs until it's too late. Trained like lab rats to make money. That's all we are. I've been called ugly, looks like a girl, fat, thin, weird, dumb and many other insulting words by people. The rest of the industry has too.

It's all stupid. We pass out and skip meals and sacrifice part of our lives to please random people that we don't know, who will always end up forgetting us.

I like to think Army is different.

Maybe you are.

Only time will tell.

It'll be okay. BTS will be okay, and I'll finally be where i want to be. It was never your fault Army, but mine.

With this, comes the end of my letter. Thank you so much Army for everything. Take care of BTS for me. Keep loving yourselves. I purple you, the biggest love.

Kim Namjoon

♥*♡∞:｡.｡　　｡.｡:∞♡*♥

The letter was released on BTS's twitter page. The members agreed to post it, since they're the final words for their fans from their leader. They didn't change a single word, they didn't exclude a single word.

As the letter reached the eyes of fans all around the world, the sad cloud hung over them.

Tears were shed.
Words were spoken.
Apologies that would never be heard were given.

The world didn't believe that Kim Namjoon was gone, but reality often disappoints.

Fans were angry at themselves.
They had failed to see their idol's sufferings.
They had failed to see exactly how unhappy he was.
They failed to see when the light was lost from his eyes.

Why couldn't Kim Namjoon take his own advice? Why could he love himself the way that he loved them?

No one knew.

But did anyone blame him?

No.

The words of Kim Namjoon inspired so many people to keep going, the words spoke to them and gave them a hug when no one else would.

Bangtan took care of them, and Army failed to take care of their leader.

Even though Namjoon was gone, his words would continuously be spread through those that remember him.

As long as a single Army still exists in the the world, Kim Namjoon still lives. BTS still lives.

Legacy is planting seeds in a garden that you never get to see. And Namjoon's legacy would continue on for years and decades to come.

┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊
┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ˚✩ ⋆｡˚ ✩
┊ ┊ ┊ ✫
┊ ┊ ☪⋆
┊ ⊹ ┊ The end
✯ ⋆ ┊ . ˚
˚✩