Bloodbath of the Fallen Crown

25

Anastasia

"Can I have more water?" I asked, tearing my eyes away from his. The intensity of his stare will never not catch me off guard. 

"Uh... yeah." He took the cup and poured some water into my mouth. Some of it dripped down my chin and he wiped it off with his thumb, lingering for a second too long on my bottom lip.

"Thank you." I could barely even whisper. I'd like to blame the pain and my disoriented mind, but I knew it had nothing to do with that. It had everything to do with Nicolas Alfonsi. "Did they call yet?"

That seemed to bring him back down to earth. "No. But the phone is fine, so we're waiting." He opened his mouth and close it again. I knew what he would say. "What you did was stupid, Anastasia. You could have died."

"I didn't." Stupid response.

He shot me a disapproving look. "That doesn't make it better. It doesn't take away from you acting recklessly. It's the second time already. You might not have died then or now, but might in the next attempt. Third time's the charm, right?"

"Mala hierba nunca muere." I told him, resulting in him rolling his eyes at my response. He sighed and grabbed my hand again, freezing me in place. (A bad weed never dies.)

"You aren't, though. I don't get why you don't understand that. You aren't a bad weed. Whatever heroism complex you're acting out, cut it out."

"Says you. I'm supposed to believe I'm not a bad weed from the person who left me when I tried to kill him?"

"That wasn't you."

I scoffed, "don't give me that bullshit. That wasn't me? You don't even believe that. It was me and this is me. Why are you so suddenly trying to make me out to be someone good? Whatever I am won't change the fact that I want to find Vee. Me being or not being bad won't change that."

He gripped my hand harder and sat straight, gritting his teeth. "I'm not saying it for Vee. I know you'd never abandon her."

"Then what?" The tension made my head hurt more.

"Because I need to believe you're good." His eyes shone with anger, with regret and pain. It made me keep quiet. "I need to believe there is a part of you that resembles the girl I fell in love with."

My mouth felt dry and I tried to take my hand away from his, but he wouldn't let me. "There isn't," I told him, struggling to sit up. 

He got on top of the bed and caged me with his body. I found it impressive how he still managed to not let go of my hand. "Don't tell me that. I don't want to hear that."

"You have to." I stopped for a second when my voice cracked. "I-I-I'm nothing like I was before. You don't have to worry about me, Nicolas. I told you already. After we find Vee, you won't hear from me again. I'll leave you alone. Free to be happy with whoever and wherever you want."

His other hand grabbed my face and brought it closer to his. "I don't want that. Don't you get that? I don't want you to leave me alone, Anastasia. Fuck. Fuck. You're it for me. Whether I want you to be or not, you're the only one for me. And I have tried to hate you and blame you and at times I succeed. But, fuck it hurts more to hate you than it does to love you."

I looked away from his eyes, feeling the tears brimming on mine. I blinked them away, forcing myself to keep my composure. "Don't. Don't say that to me. I hurt you so bad. I can't- no. I won't hurt you again."

"Do you love me?" His question was so simple and the answer so straightforward, yet I still couldn't answer. He frowned and tried again. "Do you?"

His hand brought my face to meet his eyes again. Facing him I couldn't lie to him. "Yes."