Its the end

Chapter 2

I started thinking to myself. 

I dont think I can go on like this. Everyday is a constent numbness. And everyday drags on the same. 

Whats the point of life if this is how its going to be throughout high school. Its been this way Since elementary school. So I dont really expect it do get better by senior year. Exspecaily seeing for how bad a relapse I am in. And what about college. Everyone tells me it gets better when we get to college. 

I'd like to think thats true but then you know there is gunna be the teachers bxtching at me all the time. Students giving me shit. And coming home to the same damn routine. 

Its not gunna get better. I cant keep pretending that its going to be okay when I know its not. I have to pull over.I'm pathetic. I sit in my car breaking down.  

I start thinking even more. And lets see if I even do make it through college. I'm off to a life on my own. Now what. I get a job and likely it going to be a repetative thing that I show up 12 hours and 5 days a week to. Even with the weekend theres only 2 days for an actual social life. Whats the social life worth to me if I dont even want to talk or be friends with anyone anyways. I dont see why its worth living a life like that.

I dont see the slighest bit of happiness in any of that. And this is where I make the biggest desicion in my life. 

I'm going to do it. 

I put the key in the ignition and head to school. 

I have this slight panic going in my head. This is really it. This is going to be the last full day of me walking the earth. I've had this plan for months now. And I'm actually going to use it for the first time. 

But first I want to say goodbye to everyone for one last time. 

They deserve that right?

If I cant say goodbye I want to at least see there faces. 

Because I wont ever be seeing theres again.