Creiddylad's Garden

I curl my knees to my chest, folding tightly into myself as I press my forehead against the balcony's stone railing. I force myself to close my eyes and I let out a shaky breath. My heart is pounding, my chest hurts, and I feel incredibly lightheaded. I feel like I'm dying. I think I'm being punished. I spend a couple more minutes breathing slowly, trying to get myself under control.

This takes almost an hour.

Once I feel like I'm in control, I reopen my eyes and peer down from the balcony to watch him pace throughout the Garden. He's still here. I have watched him for a week now, purposefully losing himself in the courtyard below. He loses himself for hours and I let him. Perhaps he's searching for another rarity, another orchid. They will never grow here again; I've made sure of it.

I know he's waiting for me. I've been watching him every night since his return; terrified that he could be real and terrified that he could be a nightmare. I have been waiting for him to leave again, but he doesn't. He just paces. He paces like a trapped animal and I think he does it to keep himself sane. That's what I had to do. He's not here for you, I have to remind myself numbly. He's only here for what the Garden can offer him...he took from the Garden before and I know he will take again.

A warm hand touches my shoulder. Yes, he'll take again, she whispers. He will take again and again and again. We cannot let him.

"No, we can't." I can't. I am her gardener; her protector. She chose me and I her. I had deceived her once because of him, almost abandoning the only person who truly cared about me. He did not love me. I will not fail her again. I refuse to lose all the strength I had gained while patching myself back together. He had ruined me once before and I will not let that happen again.

I clench my fists, letting my nails rip into my palms as a way to tether myself to my anger. I rise from the balcony and close the glass doors behind me. Nothing stirs in my moonlit room; life sleeping in the soundless warmth of night, save for him and I. He is in the labyrinth and I will go to him. I will finally take my life back. If I wanted to be free from the suffocating hold of his memory and to be happy once again, he needed to leave the Garden forever.

I slowly wind myself through the labyrinth of hollyhock and calla lilies to the Garden's heart where I knew he waits. I stop myself before I round the corner. The labyrinth's flowery arbors lead to a small courtyard that contains several stone benches, rows of flourishing plant life, and a marble statue of a weeping woman. I named her Branwen after one of the women in the Creiddylad's stories. Branwen married into an abusive relationship, but was luckily rescued by her brothers. However, that led to a battle that resulted in absolute destruction and only pregnant women in Wales survived. In the end, Branwen dies from a broken heart from all the death she had caused. I watch him approach her and I wonder if he remembers her story. I wonder if he remembers all of the stories I've told him.

"King Arthur was real then?" he asks in disbelief.

"Oh yes, he returned the goddess Creiddylad to her tad after she had been abducted from her true love, Gwythyr, by a wicked man named Gwyn. Her love tried to save her, but in the end Arthur had settled the matter by forcing the two men to battle each other for her hand every year on Beltane."

"Her story sounds quite romantic... like the Greeks."

"No, it is actually quite sad. Creiddylad's destiny was set; she would remain an eternal maiden until the final battle on Judgement Day reveals the victor."