The Distance To You | ✓

𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞

No matter where I went, I always knew my way back to you. You are my compass star.
-Unknown

"Hey, are you going to come over to my apartment tomorrow?" Josh asked as we walked out of class.

"Yeah, I think so," I answered as I struggled to put on the other strap of my backpack.

I knew I should have gone with the messenger bag like my cousin Willa suggested. It would've been easier to put it on in a rush, even though my next class didn't start until after three. Josh and I walked to the parking lot where we would separate.

"I don't have a reason not to, I mean, I basically only know two people who I trust. Everyone else is just there. " I shrugged my shoulders.

"You know me and Lilith, we're enough." He nodded once before kissing my forehead.

"While you go dream, I'm going to class so I can daydream about dreamy Luka," he laughed and then walked away for his class across campus.

I chuckled and shook my head. Of course, one of the only friends I could make was an oddball himself. I smiled and started for my car. Until I saw him.

I wasn't expecting to see him for what felt like so soon. My jaw clenched as I saw him. The distance between us as he stood across the parking lot was enough to remind me how we got here. How we had been separated and it was all to his doing. He had built me only to leave me in the end. Never to return.

He couldn't be here. I took in a sharp breath and gulped hard. How did he know that I was even at this college? The reason I left my tiny town was so that I was far away from the things that reminded me of him and us and every bad thing in between.

And for my grandfather who was laid to rest before he could see me graduate and become the next owner of our family business.

Students continued to walk around and passed me, none knowing why my feet were frozen on the hot cemented floor. He didn't walk towards me either but maybe that's because he hadn't realized it was me. His eyes were squinted because of the bright sun. Had he seen me yet? Could I still escape?

I knew he had seen me when his foot took a step forward in my direction. Luckily, he stopped himself from moving any further. We were mere strangers now so how was he supposed to walk up to me? With his arms open and I was supposed to fall into them with no hesitation? Like there were no sourness between us?

The only answer was no.

He watched me as I walked towards him. And then past him. No part of me wanted to talk. People were already looking at him. I could imagine what people thought, that he looked dangerous with his bike and biker jacket. I internally laughed at all of them. They didn't know him like I did. They didn't know that he was actually a sweetheart.

A sweetheart who broke your heart. A sweetheart who lied. A sweetheart who never came back.

I held my head up as I heard footsteps behind me. My steps were faster as a chill went down my spine and more kept rolling up as I knew I was being followed. As I neared my car, my hand went into my pant pocket for the keys. Even with the door unlocked, I was forced to stay as a hand was against the door, letting me know he wasn't going to stop pestering me.

Why was he even here? We hadn't seen each other in six years. He suddenly left and didn't come back. He wasn't going to stay as he had always assured me. He was always planning on leaving. So why couldn't he leave now?

"Izabella, please," he begged.

His voice was older, mature. As much as I wanted to hate it, the small flicker of love asked to brighten as he said my name. It was unfair. I tried to move past our relationship but it seemed my heart forever belonged to him.

"Leave me alone," I spat back. Anger won against love in the end.

"Not until you listen to me."

"I'm not about to listen to a sob story, okay? I need you to leave me alone now. I'm over it, it's been six years and never once a letter back. I get it, I was a young girl experiencing her first puppy love who didn't reciprocate. It's fine, you don't have to talk to me about it, I understand," I said without looking at his eyes.

Because I knew once I looked into his eyes, the flicker of a flame wouldn't ask but would burn my being. I knew that once I looked, everything I pushed away years ago would resurface and I didn't have the mentality for a breakdown with finals happening soon.

There was simply no fight left in me to plea for anything anymore.

"Look at me," he begged again.

I didn't want to. I wanted to remain blind to him. I wanted him to leave and never return. Just like he had done years before. Like he had done when I was 16. He had done it once, he could do it again for all I cared. But something was nagging inside of me.

I had longed for his touch, for his voice, for his presence. For him. I hadn't seen him in years and I couldn't help the way my body had reacted to his. I would never get over how protected I felt near him and I could still remember how loved I once was by him. But I had to go against it because using my heart never did me any good.

He was always going to be there in the back of my mind; I was always going to compare a guy to him. A reason I hadn't really dated anyone once he left. He turned his back on me and lied to me. Trust issues that came about were understandable but it didn't help the damage in its wake.

"No."

"Look."

"Leave. Me. Alone," I said through my teeth.

"Look, I just want to talk Izabella. If you could just listen, I'm sure a lot of misunderstandings could be cleared. How about it? Just listen and I'll let you do whatever you want. Please?"

Would he really leave me alone? Sighing, I realized that the only way to get him to leave me alone was to fight how hard my heart was beating against my ribcage and listen to him. I looked up reluctantly and I was trapped.

My heart belonged to this man. 

I was a goner. I was back to being that 16-year-old girl who waited for this man, the man who was once an outcasted boy, to come back to her. I was back to thinking I would never get over him. That he was my one and only.

Except, it was the truth and not a thought. He was the guy I would always wait for, no matter the distance between us.

I had to look away, it was too much to stare at his eyes that I had once trusted with everything I had. I shook my head and pushed him off my car making him stumble a few steps. Getting in my car, he backed a step away as I buckled in. My head was up the entire time because I had to be strong.

I didn't need him anymore. He had to see that I was not putty in his hands anymore. I wasn't going to wait for him, although I had subconsciously done so these past years.

If he wanted me, he would have to be the one doing the chasing. He was going to have to fight more for me this time. As I drove out of the parking lot, I looked back to see him standing confused just like I was years ago when he left me for the second and last time.