It's Thursday, May 28TH, and I go to the Thousand Oaks mall. I browse the food court.
"Hmmmm. What do I want?"
I choose Panda Express.
I order my food and decide to sit down.
I look to my left, I look to my right. Something feels.....off. Who is looking at me? I shrug it off and continue to wait for my food.
I hear a voice that sounds too familiar
I look around, again, no one is here besides me.
Then, at the counter, I hear a voice
"Order 24 is ready!"
I look. My jaw drops. Is that who I think it is?
It's Judy Greer.
I stare. She laughs. I am genuinely confused. Could this be a Doppelgänger? There is no way I'm standing face to face with her. I mutter the word
"Joooody....." she says "yes?"
I froze.
She begins to laugh again.
"TomTom...wow."
All she says is "Your order is ready!"
I ask her why she quit her job and works at Panda Express now.
She explains, but I am too shocked to listen.
I ask her if we can have lunch together
She says yes and begins making food for herself
I call Bryson
He answers
Bryson- "Hello?"
Me- "I don't have much time to explain but I'm about to eat Panda Express with Judy Greer"
Bryson laughs
"WHAT"
Me- "Facetime me or something we're gonna eat lunch together"
Bryson agrees
Judy asks who I'm talking to
Me- "My brother"
Judy gasps
Judy- "This is private. I'm eating lunch with you, not him. Hang up the phone now or I am leaving"
Bryson laughs
Me- "I'm sorry Judy."
*Call ends*
Judy asks if she can take my phone while we eat to make sure I don't call him back
I say yes. After all, she is the boss of me.
She eats her teriyaki bowl faster than anyone I have ever seen. I slowly realize she is a grubber.
Being displeased with the way she treated me, I ask her a question
Me- "Why the hell do you eat so fast? Be a normal person, Judy. How disrespectful. You're not who I thought you were!"
Judy gasps.
Judy throws her drink on me and gets me escorted from the premise. Later, she releases a statement on her instagram account
In direct quotes, she says, "If I go out of my way to meet you and you disrespect me like the little cretin I saw at my job today, you will be arrested. My lawyer and I will press charges. What happened today was uncalled for. My new song coming out on 6/3 is a diss track for her. ☝️ She will never forget what she did 🔥🔥🔥🔥"
I gasped. My eyes could not believe I was actually reading this. Judy Greer is making a diss track....about ME? No way. I've always had the dream of meeting Faye Resnick, that's her lawyer. Maybe I should mess with her again. What's the worst that could happen? At least I'd be able to meet them.
