Surviving the Sky

Chapter Eleven

"What was that about?" Clarke snapped at Bellamy.

"Don't ask us," Monty said, "Ask him." He pointed to Jasper.

Jasper threw the guns into the dropship, "They were aiming at you." I followed him and grabbed my bow and arrows.

"You don't know that," Monty said, "And we'll never know that because you just destroyed any chance we had at peace with the grounders."

"We'll just be sitting here waiting for their retaliation for the bridge," Bellamy said, "Any further bloodshed is on you."

He wasn't looking at Jasper. Or Finn and Lincoln. Not even Clarke.

"I'm sorry, what did I ever do?" I asked, "I've tried to be helpful. I've saved all of your lives multiple times. What more do you want?"

"You could have warned them," Bellamy accused, "More to the point, you were one of them. You should have known-"

I snapped, "I'm sorry I was a cowardly seven year old. I'm sorry that I don't know everything about the grounder tribes. I'm sorry that they all hate me, and that makes conversations with them a little more awkward for you."

"Bellamy, Sky-"

"You should be sorry," Bellamy replied, "You shouldn't have run away. You shouldn't have been at that meeting. You're very existence insults the grounders!"

My face burning with rage, I shouted, "I'm sorry that I saved you all from that panther. I'm sorry I took that beating for Lincoln. I'm sorry that I saved you from Dax. I'm sorry that I've been absolutely no help at all for anything other than saving your lives."

"Maybe the world would have been better off if you had just died that day," he yelled back.

"I think the same thing every day," I answered quietly before walking back out into the woods to get some fresh air.

I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Someone I thought I could trust just screamed my deepest fear at my face.

Thinking through everything that happened, I realized that I couldn't save my village. If I hadn't been there, Bellamy would've just shot the panther. I couldn't save Charlotte. Lincoln would've taken that beating and Octavia would still have cut herself to save Finn. Bellamy and Clarke would've been harder for Dax to follow had I not been talking the entire trip. Anya would've been slightly less angry at the bridge.

They'd have been better off without me.

My walk broke into a jog, then into a run. I ran all the way to the cliffs and stood at the very edge, looking down at the bottom.

This was where Charlotte died.

Her death was my fault. I should've distracted Murphy for longer. Or maybe I should've just taken the blame for Wells's death. They couldn't have been able to catch me to kill me.

Besides, I didn't belong with them.

I belonged with my people. The Samu river clan. My family. Kadian. Whether they were in a mountain man prison cell or dead, I belonged with them.

Leaning into a tree, I fell asleep.

"What is wrong, child," Indra asked.

"My village," I panted, "They're gone."

Indra tensed, "Mountain men?" I nodded, "You hid from them?"

"Yes," I said, "I was scared."

"Better to die on your feet than live on your knees," Indra hissed, "Coward. Their deaths are on you. Their blood is on your hands."

I had no response. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak.

"Get out," Indra spat, "If I ever see your face in my territory again, I will hunt you down and kill you."

"I'm sorry-"

Indra grabbed my wrist in an iron grip, "It's far too late for sorry. I'll let you live as the last of the Samukru. You'll have to live with their deaths haunting you forever. Now get out!"

I ran as fast as I could in the woods. I didn't stop until I was back in the ruins of my village. I dropped to my knees and let it all out.

"Sky," the ghosts would always speak, "How could you?"

"You abandoned us." My mother.

"You are a coward." My father.

"You are a traitor to our people." The village leader.

Then, Kadian's face appeared, "You always daydreamed of meeting the stars. What a disappointment they must be."

"No," I whispered.

"You left us for them," Kadian continued, "You let me die so you could watch the stars. But now you watch them alone."

I shook with fear and anger, "No."

Kadian turned to walk away, "I hope it was worth it."

"NO!"

I jolted upright, staring straight into Bellamy's face.

"You okay?" He reached out a hand to help me up. I slapped it out of the way, pushing myself up and beginning to walk away, "Sky!"

"What do you want?" I asked, my voice still shaking from the dream.

Bellamy sighed, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I replied, "You were right."

"I wasn't," Bellamy said, "I was wrong."

I smiled faintly, "How hard was that?"

"Very," Bellamy laughed softly, "But it's the truth. I was wrong."

Part of me wanted to believe him. Part of me wanted him to continue. Part of me wanted to believe that it wasn't my fault. That I had a meaning, a purpose.

That part of me died.

"I just need some time," I said, "You should go back to camp."

He nodded, "Okay."

As he left, I looked up, hoping to catch a glimpse of Kadian's ghost in the stars. I climbed the nearest tree and stared up at the stars.

I wished I could see Kadian again. Just to explain that I was scared and stupid and a coward. An object falling from the sky diverted my attention.

It was just like the dropship the day the 100 landed, but there was no parachute. It exploded as it hit the ground.

Racing back to camp, I pounded on the gate, screaming and shouting until the kids on watch, Monroe and Sterling, opened the gate.

I heard Clarke scream in horror, and I knew exactly why.

Clarke's mother was on board that dropship.