This is How You Lost Me (To Be Revised)

Fourth

Handkerchief. There were two instances you handed me the same handkerchief.

First was when I was crying over my Math test.

I went outside the room, by the lockers, wherein no one can see me. I bawled over some "stupid test" as they call it.

I couldn't help but feel frustrated. I studied hard, pulled countless all-nighters yet I didn't achieve the result I wanted.

Barely passing. Tears started to fall once again as I looked back at my paper.

I didn't know you lagged behind me. You just stood there waiting for me to notice you.

"I'm okay." I mouthed to you.

But you just shook your head and sadly pouted. You opened your arms, and that was my cue to run to you.

You knew how much I worked hard for this. You were there when I was pulling all those sleepless nights, accompanying and helping me. I was also frustrated by the fact that I somewhat failed you, that I wasted your efforts.

I kept on apologizing while you patted my head, consoling me.

You wiped my tears, saying we'll try again. Together.

The second was when you found me somewhere. I couldn't really remember where it was.

It was sunny that day, so it never crossed my mind that it would rain. Boy, how wrong I was because that afternoon, gone was the bright weather. All I could see was gloomy clouds forming and huddling around, covering the sun.

I'm scared of the rain and of the thunder because I have a bad memory associated with it.

It was raining at the day of my mother's death.

I'm slowly recovering from the trauma. But I still get frightened and panicky especially when I feel like it's gonna be a heavy downpour. And I feel like today's gonna be.

I forgot my trustee partner during these moments, my earphones, which reduces the rain sound. I immediately texted you so that I can borrow yours. When you didn't reply, I just pinged you my location. But, as I felt the frist droplet on my arm, I took it upon myself to look for you frantically.

It was only a drizzle at first, and then it became a torrential downpour. I started to feel panicky when I saw the flash of light because I knew too well what would come next. I scanned around, and I still couldn't find you. The familiar feeling of fright came. The sound was loud, too loud. So I sat, I don't know where, I sat covering my ears, then hugging my knees, then covering my ears again while trying to hum hoping it could conceal the noise. My eyes were shut tightly.

At that moment, I didn't care if other people were eyeing me weirdly or perhaps laughing at me. All I knew is that I was damn terrified.

Then all of a sudden, a warm hands held my face. I looked up, and as soon as I saw you, I wept.

"I'm here now." You gently said as you help me stood up. You wiped my tears using the same handkerchief. You also wiped my forehead then my neck. I didn't even feel that I was sweating so hard.

You whispered comforting words as you pulled me closer to you. You drove me home, stayed for a while because I was all alone as Dad was on a business trip, and my sister is still on her ojt shift. YOu helped me do the chores before you tucked me to bed, and sang me to sleep.

***

This handkerchief served as a reminder of how you were always there to wipe my tears. But in the present, it can't even serve its purpose. I can't stand to use it, now that you're the one making me cry.