Phitonise

Chapter 3

Benjamin: *it’s early in the morning, and he’s already hearing an argument followed by taunting remarks. Then the sound of crashing. He gets out of his bed and yawns, stretching. Benjamin walks out into the hall to see Dan’s head shoved between the couch cushions while Mary sat on his back, holding a vase as if she was going to shove it up his ass.* Oh my god.

Mary: Ah, good morning, Benjamin. *she responded calmly, then whacked Dan’s butt with the hard vase, making him flinch and squirm around. There was muffled cursing coming from the couch cushions. She had hand soap all over her. It appeared as if it was just dumped on her.* Did you rest well?

Benjamin: I… Yeah… *he backed away from the witch and the demon, then looked into the kitchen. Holy shit. There was hand soap, dish soap, plastic wrap, and sponges everywhere.* What happened? How can you two do this in just a span of seven hours? I don’t even own any sponges! *He yelled, then turned back to see Dan standing on his table while Mary was whacking him with a broom. His horns were wrapped in plastic wrap and he was also covered in soap.* HOW CAN YOU MOVE FROM THE COUCH TO MY TABLE WITHIN FIVE SECONDS?!

Mary: The rage in my heart motivates me.

Benjamin: Jesus christ, Mary. DAN GET OFF OF MY TABLE! *He yelled, his face bright red from irritation* God! Now i have to clean the kitchen and you guys are a mess! I have work to do today, guys!

Mary: *She sighs and puts down the broom. Well, the two of them certainly were a mess. She’ll have to shower now. The witch let her guard down for only a moment before she was smacked with the broom. Guess who was holding it now?* YOU CROOKED NOSED KNAVE!

Dan: *Dan laughs at her, continuing to whack her in the head with the broom* That’s what ya get for turnin’ away from a demon! *He yells triumphantly before Mary shoves him off the table, he falls to the ground hard.*

Benjamin: FFFffffffFFFFf-- no, no, I’m just- *He took a few deep breaths, then sat down at the table and opened up his computer. He ignored the demon and the witch as they fought and ran around his living room with blunt objects. This was now just background noise to him. Benjamin logged in and opened up his browser only to have several pornographic ads pop up* What the hell is this? *He looked up from his computer to see that Mr. Scruffles was now on his ceiling fan.* Wait wh- *The poor lad didn’t even get to finish his sentence before his computer literally blew up, sending shards of the screen flying across the room, along with wires and such.* NO! NO NO NO NO NO! NOOOOOOO!! *Benjamin slammed his face on his table and began to violently sob*

Mary: *She was about to smack Dan with a pillow until Benjamin’s computer exploded and a shard of glass was sent flying across the room. Mary looked over at him and was about to ask what had happened, but she didn’t get a word out before the disheveled blonde boy began to cry.* Benjamin? *She dropped the pillow and looked at the miniature fire in front of him, which was charring the table* Whatever did you do?

Benjamin: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHH! FUUUUUUCK! FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK! *He practically jumped out of his chair and grabbed what was left of the computer, then opened his back door and chucked it outside, followed by him screaming several profanities.*

Dan: Damn, *He says, watching Ben have a mental breakdown.* I didn’t expect that thing to explode, are they made with some kinda bomb inside or somethin’? That seems pretty dangerous, well, for humans anyway.

Benjamin: THEY AREN’T SUPPOSED TO EXPLODE. 

Mary: My, this is quite.. Oh Benjamin, do not let this cause you to cark! *she said, walking over to him and patted his back* You are literate, yes? You may be able to write it again! Do you have parchment?

Dan: Well I mean, two souls for a job I only need one for wouldn’t be all that bad for me, maybe I shoulda downloaded more shit onto it earlier. *He smirks.*