Yearning, Learning - [Catradora Drabbles] [Returns 09/29/23]

4 - Identity

She erases the sentence for a fifth time in a row. The paper breaks with how worn it's become, obliging her to crush it into a ball and throw it in the bin nearby. She huffs and lays her head down, giving up for just a second. A moment of peace was needed to clear out her thoughts and try to write that letter again. 

When she hears footsteps from nearby, she pretends to be asleep, not wanting Adora to grow concerned over her delays nor her progress. Apologizing was harder the more she let her thoughts run, and it was harder still doing it through a piece of paper. While she had the opportunity to erase and redo it as many times as she would like, that was the very same reason why she'd rewritten the letter that many times. She wasn't getting anywhere, and she's sure frustration's not far behind. 

"I know you're pretending, Catra," her girlfriend says, kissing her ear lobe. "Show me what you have so far," she grabs her shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I can help you out."

Conflicted, she huffs and opens her eyes, facing Adora with a wary gaze. "It's supposed to be my job," she replies, passing a hand through her hair, still short, but having grown just a few inches longer during her time spent at Bright Moon. "I can't just let you apologize for me!"

"And I won't," she persists, letting her arm go. "I'll just read what you have and tell you if anything could use improvement." The blonde sits herself next to Catra, picking up the few letters she's actually managed to complete. Three are already piled out, though she still has quite a few more to go. So far, each person she had in mind to apologize to had been difficult in one way or the other. She couldn't say there was anyone in particular that resulted easy for her to write to. Her next two targets were Scorpia and Entrapta, the both of them she couldn't write for without rewriting her sentences again and again. 

"Maybe you should take a break for today?" Adora suggests, seeing her at the ready: a sharpened pencil in her hand and a new sheet of paper on the table. "Three a day sounds good. You don't need to write them all at once if you want to be honest with everyone." She rubs her back, soothing her into calm. "'Cause then you wouldn't be able to if you're already worn out."

Catra shakes her head and sets the pencil aside, frowning all the while. Then, she pinches the bridge of her nose and lets out a breath. When she's sure she's regained some composure, she speaks up, "I can't." She grabs the pencil again, tapping it against the table's wooden surface. "I feel like I'm wasting time the more I erase and do it all over again."

"And that's exactly why you should rest." Adora holds her shoulder tighter, offering her more support as she then hugs her from behind. "You've been sitting here for five hours already, and it's almost midnight."

The brunette's ears droop as she considers those words. She checks the time on the wall clock nearby, seeing eleven thirty marked with its arrows. From what her hazy mind remembered, she'd sat down at exactly six in the evening and hadn't bothered to so much as have a drink of water for a break. A few crumpled paper balls are scattered around the room, having fallen and strayed away in the process of her arduous letter writing. There's pencil shavings on her desk, some sticking to her arm and staining her fur. 

"...Should I?" she asks, reluctant.

Adora nods, hugging her tighter as she lets out a sigh, a smile showing through. "You should. I'm tired already, and I want you to make me company."

A laugh slips from Catra's mouth, one she tries to cover up by humming and looking away from her side. She grins, grabbing her girlfriend's hand before speaking up. "Grown used to having me around the room, huh?"

She nods once more, letting go of her to turn her around and kiss her lips quickly. "You're good to cuddle with."