War Is Over

Ch. 5

"Hajime!" "Hey Hajime, what happened?"

"Hajime, are you okay?" Kaito's voice was the first to actually reach through. Hajime looked around, confused. He was back in the garden, on the grass. Kaito, Mirai, and Kazuki were standing around him, looking worried. "I...I don't..I don't know..." His shirt was drenched with sweat, his heart was racing, he needed to catch his breath. Kaito helped him to stand up. "Come, you better lay down for a bit." He helped Hajime walking inside, carefully guided him on the stairs, and let him lay down on the bed. Hajime closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His heart slowed down, his head became clearer. "What happened, Hajime?" Kaito sat down on the side of the bed and looked at him. "I get these.....images in my head. Suddenly everything starts spinning, I can not breathe, and when I get back to my senses I feel like I ran a marathon." "You had this before?" "Well, I had something like it this morning too." Kaito sighed. "You should have told me that earlier.... What kind of images do you see?" Hajime shook his head. "They are very clear, but if I try to remember later, it is like trying to remember a dream." Kaito sat silent for a few moments, staring at the desk. Then he looked back at Hajime. "You said something too. 'let go'. It made me think of when you were in the hospital. You kept having nightmares and panic attacks. Constantly saying things like that. We gave you sedatives to keep you from harming yourself, since you would try to stand up or hit things. We thought it was from your fever and shock. Since they did not seem to return once you woke up and we stopped giving you sedatives, we thought it had disappeared...." Kaito seemed a little shaken too. "It was really hard seeing you suffer like that." Hajime sighed, exhausted, and mumbled: "Maybe it is just what I deserve." Kaito stared at Hajime, contemplating whether or not to say something. They sat silent for a few moments. "Kaito" Hajime looked Kaito in the eyes "I have done terrible things. Many people suffered because of me."

Kaito sighed. Hajime saw his eyes become filled with pain and sadness. "No Hajime, they suffered because of the war." His voice, filled with emotion, was so soft it was almost a whisper. "I might not have known you very long, but I know you are not a person to make someone suffer willingly. So please, rest, take time, write it all down, talk to me, at least make sure you give yourself a chance to come to terms with the past. I do not know what you did, I know I can not ask you to forgive yourself. I do not need to know what you did, because the person I know is you, right here, right now, and I hope for a long time in the future." Kaito looked like he was about to burst into tears. But he quickly pulled himself back together. In a much calmer, but still trembling voice he continued: "I am sorry. I just.....my brother, he was like this too before.....before he died. I just could not....not say this. I resented myself for not telling him these things before he died and I just....could not stand the thought of it happening again. I am sorry." Hajime silently propped himself upright on the bed next to Kaito and laid his hand on his shoulder. "No, I am sorry. You are right. I know you are. Thank you for telling me this." They sat silently for a couple of minutes, before Kazuki knocked on the door. "Would it not be better to let Hajime rest for a while, Kaito?" "Oh.. oh yes, of course." Kaito stood up from the bed, still a bit bewildered. "If you have these....images again, will you tell me? And when you have trouble sleeping or something, please let me know, I will make sure you get some medication to help you rest." Hajime nodded. "I will. Thank you."

That evening after dinner, Kazuki and Hajime sat outside, watching the day slowly fade and the sun sink towards the horizon. Mirai was inside, doing the dishes and preparing coffee, while loudly singing some old folk song. Kazuki laughed when he heard it. "Oh, there she goes again" he said, "sometimes I am glad we do not have neighbours." "Yeah you really do have a nice place to live here" Hajime stared in the distance. "It reminds me of my grandfathers house. It was also in this rural town, surrounded by fields and the distant mountains. I have always liked it there." "Did you always live there?" Hajime shook his head. "I used to live in the city with my parents. But my dad died when I was five, and me and my mother moved back to her childhood town. We barely lived together for a year there, when she died. My grandfather took me in, so he basically raised me." "I am sorry to hear that" "No need. I mean I missed my parents of course. But me and my grandfather had it good together. He taught me everything. He was the one who taught me how to play the piano." Hajime sighed. "But then I got the call from the military. I was barely deployed for a month when I heard enemy troops had taken over the village and my grandfather had died. That was the moment I knew I did not have a home anymore." Kazuki put his hand on Hajimes shoulder."I can not imagine what that must have felt like. But please know you can consider this your home now, for as long as you like." Hajime let out a joyless chuckle. "I am afraid I will need to take you up on that offer. It looks like I will need some time before I can sustain myself." "Please do not worry about that, just focus on your rest and your healing. If we could not provide care for you, we would not have offered you to stay here, okay?" "Thank you, Kazuki. I will repay you someday, I swear, on my life." Kazuki stood up, offering Hajime his hand. "So dramatic." He let out a little laugh. "But I see you are really serious about it, so I will not mention it again. Come, let us go inside, it will get cold quickly when the sun disappears."