War Is Over

Ch. 7

After lunch, Hajime took the music with him when he went to his room to rest. He laid down on the bed and went through all the pages. In his head he heard the violin play. He had asked Kazuki to play the piece for him, so he would get a good grasp on the melody, which was clearly meant to alternate between the violin and the piano. He was glad it did, because it helped in giving a good impression of what the piece would sound like when the piano part was added. The music started with a sad, maybe even angry tone, became more soft in the middle, and ended in a hopeful, almost joyous finale. It was definitely a good piece, and he hoped he could do it justice. Now at least he had something he could repay Mirai and Kazuki with. To his surprise, the last page of the music did not contain sheet music, but was a notebook page scribbled full of words, and loose music notes. He started reading through the notes, and realized they were Yoshimas notes about the piece. She wrote about how it depicted the war for her, how much anger and sadness it brought for people, and how when it would be over the lingering pain and sorrow would transform into hope and joy again. Hajime felt his heart sting at those words. He could not imagine hope and joy for all those people who suffered, even for Mirai and Kazuki who were always so calm and happy. He could feel their sadness at times, and each time he knew he caused this sadness for others too. They deserved hope and joy, but he took it from them. He felt his heart racing, closed his eyes, and took some deep shaky breaths to try and calm down. 

Maybe it was not such a good idea to work on this piece. He stood up from the bed and stumbled to the desk. He laid down the music and opened the drawer with the other pieces of Yoshima. Maybe he could find some inspiration in there. He took the whole stack of paper from the drawer and sat down on the bed. A little cardboard folder fell on the floor, and he clumsily tried to get it back. It fell open, and a couple of papers fell out. It were all certificates and such, from violin grades, competitions, concerts. One of them had a picture of Mirai and Kazuki, both standing next to a girl, maybe fourteen years old, holding her violin in one hand, a trophy in the other, all smiling. The girl looked directly into the camera, showing the most beautiful sparkling green eyes Hajime had ever seen. 

"Hajime!" "Hey, Hajime, look at me." "Did you have a nightmare again?" "Hey, it is okay, take a deep breath, Hajime look at me, I am right here." The first thing Hajime saw when the world became clear again, was the worried face of Mirai. Kazuki was behind her, a towel over his shoulder and the knife he was just cleaning still in his hands. Mirai looked relieved, seeing he was coming back into reality. "Hey, take a deep breath okay." Hajime sighed, his heart still racing, his head felt like it would explode, sweat dripping down his forehead. He was on the floor, sitting between all the paper that flew all through the room. "I..." "No, do not speak Hajime, first calm down." Mirai took the wet towel to wipe the sweat off his forehead, but Hajime suddenly realized what he had just seen and jumped backwards. "Do not touch me!" he yelled. "Hajime? What is wrong?" Kazuki stepped into the room. "Is that.." Hajime pointed at the picture on the floor, between all the sheet music that had fallen down. He was still panting, his hand shaking. "Is that your granddaughter?" Mirai looked confused. "Yes, it is, why...." Hajime did not let her finish. "Was she in the concert hall, on the night of the 10th of February?" He saw Mirai and Kazuki exchange an even more confused look. "Yeah she was.... How do you know she..." "I know, because I was there! I saw her! I killed her!" Hajime yelled at them, feeling strangely calm inside, but still completely trembling on the outside. He saw Mirai take a step back, tears coming down her cheeks, her hand in front of her mouth. Kazuki put his hand on her shoulder, told her something Hajime could not hear, after which she left and Kazuki stepped forward. Hajime saw him coming. He saw the knife in Kazukis hand and suddenly felt relieved. "You want to kill me... right? Go ahead.... I will not.... try and stop you" he almost whispered it. It felt like all the load of the past months, no even years had disappeared. Finally he could pay for what he did. But then Kazuki looked at his hand, realizing what Hajime was talking about. He laid down the knife on the desk. "Oh, I am sorry, I forgot I had that with me. Do not speak nonsense Hajime, I will not kill you. I just want to talk." He kneeled down on the floor, sitting face to face with Hajime. "Tell me what happened."

Hajime heard his voice, but the meaning of what Kazuki said did not really come through to his hazy brain. He just thought, yes of course, he first wants to know what happened, so he can hear about his granddaughters final moments before he kills me. So he told Kazuki everything. It all came slow, because his mind was fuzzy and he was still out of breath. But he told him every detail of what happened that night. When he finished, it was silent for a long time. Then Hajime felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up he saw Kazukis eyes, filled with tears, looking at him. "I always knew I should not have let her go." Kazukis voice sounded soft and broken. "That is something I can never forgive myself for. But I am glad to hear she did not die all alone. Thank you for telling me, Hajime." He raised from his knees and reached out his hand to help Hajime up.  But Hajime did not see that. He saw nothing. The only thing that echoed through his head was "thank you, Hajime". He jumped up, surprisingly fast on one leg, grabbed the knife from the desk and held it to his neck. "HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT!" Kazukis eyes widened and he stepped forward, but Hajime yelled at him "STAY AWAY!" Kazuki froze in his movements, but he did not back away. "Hajime.... please....let me help you okay?" "I DO NOT NEED YOUR HELP!" Hajimes body was shaking, he felt the knife trembling against his neck. "I do not deserve your help." He closed his eyes. "I am sorry..." he whispered, and fastened his grip on the knife.